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My struggle... my gender identity
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 Posted: 2013-11-07 07:40 am
1st Post

Joined: 2013-11-07
Location: A Small Town In The Northern Part, Alabama USA
Posts: 10
I think, perhaps, that this is the best place for this post. I'm not sure how much is TMI around here, so forgive me if I go beyond that.

First, a little bit more about me than what I put in my introduction. I mentioned that I am 35 years old. I was born on February 20th, 1978, as my father's oldest son. I've lived these 35 years as a heterosexual man, with no attraction whatsoever to men. I'm intensely attracted to women. And, in an increasing manner since about the age of 15 (or perhaps younger) I've felt like, perhaps, I was supposed to be one.

I identify with women a lot more than men. I still remember my first erotic dream (and I hope this isn't TMI for this board); I'll spare you the details, save that I was a girl in that dream. Around that time, I saw a Louis Anderson bit where he called himself a "lesbian in a man's body" - a statement which, when I stripped from it the cheap humor at the expense of lesbians, really resonated with me. So, of course, when my brother asked me if I was a lesbian in a man's body some days later, I vehemently denied it, rather than take it as the humor it was intended to be, however misguided that humor may be.

My sexual fantasies are, shall we say, more effective when I envision myself as a woman. Before recently I thought, even if I was right about all this, and I really am a transgendered woman, that modern science doesn't have the technology to make me into the woman I want to be. But I identified that as body-image issues and worked through it, and have recently been contemplating what it would be like to have gender reassignment surgery done, and also what it would be like to dress the part, such as it were: dresses, skirts, feminine shirts, etc.

Understand that it feels extraordinarily strange to be writing all of this, putting it out there to strangers that I feel I can trust more with this than I can trust my loved ones. I'm still working through all of this stuff and I'm looking for, I guess you'd call it "expert guidance" to help me determine in truth where my gender identity lies.

Transgender folks, please also see in addition to this site.
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