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Joined: 2013-10-06
Posts: 1
Ok so this is the first time I've used a forum site like this, but I need some advice!! So I am 21 and I had been dating this really nice guy for prob like 6 months and things with him were going really well, but I did always have this desire to be with a woman even when he and I had sex.. I kind of shrugged it off but it was a pretty prominent thing I would think about a lot. I had met this girl who is bisexual and met her a few months before I started dating my boyfriend, I always knew she was somewhat interested in me and there was a little sexual tension, but never much or anything close to innaopropriate since i was dating him, we never even talked about it, it was just understood it wouldn't happen as i had a boyfriend, and everyone i know assumes i'm straight. but her and i did spend a lot of time together and become really close as friends. then one week my boyfriend went out of town, so i was hanging out with my bisexual friend one night and we got wasted and ended up hooking up, like went all the way. i was so torn up about doing this while dating him that i couldn't even be around him b/c i could act normal due to guilt. eventually we broke up and we have been broken up for a month or two now. a couple weeks ago my bisexual friend called me asking about moving into the house i live in with my roommates (her living situation was not good, her roommates were strange) as we had an extra bedroom, i have been extremely broke lately and did want to help her out so i let her move in. we hooked up probably 5 or 6 times in total, she always is super into me when we hook up and it's something i've still been getting used to since i've only ever been with men before, so obviously she is better at it than i am, so but it's weird b/c we haven't talked about ever dating or anything, we do talk about other people we are interested in, but i feel like it's partly b/c neither of us wants to have to face the whole situation since it's so complicated. neither one of us is really great with discussing our emotions or w/e. also she claims to be bisexual and talks about being attracted to women, but that she wouldn't want to date a women, and i feel like that is only completely true but i'm not sure. i'm not sure if i want to date a woman, but i've never been that great with dating men either so i also feel like i don't completely know what i want either. there was one night she called me at least a month ago and was drunk but was telling me how awesome i am and that she found a song that reminds her of me, i asked her what it was, and she seemed kind of embarrased and said it was sexual, she fianlly told me and it definitely was sexual. she has told me before that i'm really pretty and sexy or w/e it was and i always just said thanks, but it put me off a little b/c it's all just new to me. i haven't really had a chance to really figure this out yet. she brought a guy over last night she's i guess interested in and i had to leave it just was weird for me to watch her with him, i'm not sure if it's b/c i really want to be with her or i just don't want her to be with other people, or if that somehow means the same thing. but i feel like there were suble signs she tried to give me that she wants me to do more and try to put forth effort into this, but i'm still not sure if that's even what she wants or she just wants to hook up. she hasn't ever been in a long relationship, i think the longest one she had was a few months long. same with me though. and i guess the only way to really know is ask her, but i'm scared if i bring it up in a serious matter and she doesn't feel the same way it will not only change our friendship but it will make things weird. she is supposed to be living with me the next ten months. i probably should have thought it threw more before i let her move in.. i really didn't think it would bother me to see her with someone else but it does. i've talked about hooking up with other people around her as she does to me and i'm not sure if what i did hurt or bothered her at all, and forced her into wanting to go see other people, which wasn't my intention. i thought she wasn't interested in anything more than casual hookups, but looking back i think i missed some things and now i'm just lost. any advice would be much appreciated!!



Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
Hey Courtney - thanks for posting.  I think the best thing to do is just to be honest.  Have a talk, tell her what you think you want from your relationship and hear what she wants.  You might find that you both want the same thing.  The worse thing you can do is keep on not talking about it because it will just get more and more confusing. 

You can even enter the conversation without being real sure about what you want and just figure it out as you go along. 

I think it is already getting uncomfortable so I'm not certain there is any way to avoid that at this point.  Having an open conversation about how you both are feeling just might make it better. 

Hope this helps!

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