LGBT Community Forum - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered & Drag Network > All Inclusive - Our Entire LGBT Community (scroll down for sub-groups such as drag, lesbian, youth) > Emotional Support > Your Struggle > Bicurious Feelings, in a serious relationship with a man
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|I joined this forum because I don't really know to understand my feelings. I was never the girl who liked other little girls on the playground, I didn't have crushes on both genders. I never had any inclination or feelings or questions about my sexuality. I liked guys. In high school (8 years ago) I went to a movie with a friend of mine, Jenny. I never thought about her in any other way than a friend, but I didn't know her super well. And during the movie, she grabbed my hand (it was a horror movie) and it just dawned on me. Right then, right there. I liked it. I felt this rush of emotion for her. Nothing ever happened because let's face it, it was high school and I wasn't about to tell my friend that I liked the way she held my hand. So time went on, and nothing really ever happened like that again. Every now and then, I found myself thinking a certain girl was attractive to me, not just pretty, but they were fleeting feelings. Then two years ago, a good friend of mine admitted she liked me as more than a friend and I didn't share the attraction, she was my best friend, but nothing more. Then one night at a party, we were both drinking and god, this sounds so cliché but we ended up kissing. I feel like she sort of forced it and sadly, I end up flirtatious when I drink but our friendship recovered but still - I felt nothing beyond a friendship with her. Three years later, and I'm engaged to a man, Chris. I love him, but a few months ago these bicurious feelings emerged. Not really once in the three years with Chris did I feel like this and it's confusing. They aren't just small feelings, but very strong and emotionally frustrating. I feel like everytime I watch a show or do anything, there's women in a relationship on TV or right there. I'm not one of those people who thinks that's a "sign" or whatever but I'm not sure what's bringing these feelings to light now. I'm not unhappy in my relationship, I don't feel pressured. Chris even knows that I have had bicurious feelings and was supportive. I even told him about my recent feelings. I just feel like an ass, for having them, for not knowing what to do, and not having anyone to talk to. Can anyone help?
|You most certainly are not an ass because you are having bicurious feelings. It seems as if you have found yourself attracted to women on and off in your life. It is entirely possible that you are attracted to some women but not your best friend. I've been a lesbian for 30 years and I'm not attacted to my best friend.
On the other hand, I know of women who are straight as can be but have had one or two occurrences when they enjoyed with a flirtation with a woman.
We all land somewhere on the gay/bi/straight scale due to the dna we were born with. It seems like with you, it has to be the right woman for you to feel the way you do - you are not going to just sleep with any woman just cause your horny! I'll bet it is that way with the men in your life too but you do not feel the same pressure to decide if you like men or not. Does that make sense?
I think you should stop trying so hard to label yourself and just let things happen. I guess the only issue (that in a way is unique to bisexual people) is if you decide to marry a man, you will never be able to satisfy your sexual urges for a woman should they arise. He can't help you with that. And, as human nature would have it, it is sometimes difficult (especially for women - and seems for you too) to contain their feelings once they've been sleeping with someone - so it could get difficult.
Am I confusing you more? So sorry ....
Sounds like you have had a conversation with your boyfriend and that is great. I think both of you need to keep an open dialog going and definitely hold off from marrying until something happens that clarifies all this for you.
Hope this helped a little. Maybe check out the bisexual subforum below ....