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New...and confused
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 Posted: 2013-05-03 01:29 am
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Joined: 2013-05-02
Posts: 1
So ok here it goes...

I am probably making WAY too big a deal out of this and it's going to sound weird but I am not sure if I belong in this community. I have lived a pretty good life and am now in my adults years learning things about myself.

So here we go...and a big hug to all who answer

I am 33 years old, male and married to my lovely and fully bi wife. 10 years we have been married now and wow I can't imagine not being with her...anyway

I have always had a terribly powerful feminine side and have been nurtured by friends and family to encourage growth of said feminine side. Since I was young I appreciated beauty in every single facet. Outer beauty of women (and trust me you all are), inner beauty of women and the personalities of women. Just all of it. But then comes my teenage years when I started realizing it wasn't just women that caught this eye. Men, trans, women, everyone. If I was attracted to someone it wasn't due to gender.

So flash forward to a year ago. My wife and I are talking about what really constitutes bisexuality. I try not to be too academic about it, but this is what I have come to know about myself.

I am almost equally sexually attracted to men and women. I believe I am bisexual and have been for years despite not doing anything with a man.

So I have some questions, and if I don't belong here please tell me and I will leave peacefully.

The urges I have towards men and women...or anyone for that matter...why does it take so long to admit something like this to yourself?

Being bi, I have heard in some LGBT circles is almost shunned. Like bi's don't know what it's like to have gone through what trans or gay/queer people have been through. Is that true? Should I shut my bi trap and walk away from the LGBT community because I don't belong?

Finally, if I have never experienced with a guy, does that make me not bi?

Sorry for all the extremely newbish questions...I guess I need help

thank you


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 Posted: 2013-05-13 07:05 pm
2nd Post

Joined: 2009-03-18
Posts: 349
Yes you are welcome here.  The B in LGBT stands for Bisexual!  :)

As far as answering whether you are Bi or not because you haven't yet been with a man is a question only you can really answer as it relates to how you decide to label yourself.  Of course many people will have opinions about it - but it only matters what you think.  Right?   I would say if you haven't yet done it - how do you know for sure?  But that is just my two cents.

There is somewhat of a feeling toward bisexuals that they are not welcome (in some groups of gays and lesbians).  I myself never felt a need to shun bisexual folks - but when I was dating I would not date a bisexual woman.  Mostly because I felt that a bisexual woman would eventually settle in on a straight relationship just because it is generally easier to fit in.  And, if someone needs both sexes to feel satisfied, then it would seem it would be hard to ever be satisifed in a one-on-one relationship.  Not being bisexual myself, i make that comment with absolutely no authority! 

I think it takes long to admit our attractions to the same sex because most of us have grown up hearing very negative attitudes regarding same sex relationships so we fight our own acceptance of it.  Also, as we grow up we go along with the "norm" and it takes some time to say, hey wait a minute - I think I want to kiss my best friend instead!  And we see noone else around us is saying the same thing so we keep it to ourselves.

Don't worry about labeling yourself.  Live life honoring your true self and be happy.

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