LGBT Community Forum - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered & Drag Network > Bisexual > General Discussions > Looking For Advice
|Moderated by: Admin|
|Hello, I should be straight forward with my problem. Please, read it completely before making any assumptions.
I came to this community to eradicate the stereotypes and viscid thoughts in my mind. I'm a jealous man, partly because of my insecurities and partly because of my lover. She is a wonderful woman who is perfect for me, it causes me guilt to think I might not be half to her what she is to me.
She's bisexual, she's been with men and women alike. I always had this idea that bisexuals had a "lean," either masculine or feminine. Her past would indicate a feminine lean, but the only thing her friends and her can say about me is how masculine I am compared to her past relationships. Now, as someone who has always favored that description of me, in this case it makes me feel terrible. I don't want to be the exception, I want to be her ideal.
She insists I am, she implores I am nothing less than perfect for her for the plethora of gifts and love and support and improvements I give to her. No matter how much she says she desires me more than anything and desires nothing else, and her treatises on her love for me, or her obsession with me - I can't help but feel I'm just a phase.
In all honesty, I don't know how to ask this question. I don't know what to ask. I just felt comfortable speaking about this here.
|Thanks for posting. I'm not bisexual, myself, so I can only speak according to what my bi friends say (and my own personal view of being with someone who is bisexual). Most of them seem to have a leaning - (i.e. they are more comfortable sexually with one or the other) - but they all say they are just as capable of completely falling in love with either sex.
It makes alot of sense to me that people would say that you are more masculine than her other relationships - right? You feeling distressed by that probably is just a case of feeling insecure because she has had more lesbian relationships than straight. And I think you said that so I'm being redundant here.
My only advice is that if you are going to enter into a relationship with someone who is bisexual, you better learn to trust her. Take what she says as the truth and let go of paranoid thoughts.
I do understand you wondering if someday she will want a woman - and then feeling vulnerable because you can't give that to her. And that right there is why it is a challenge to be with someone who is bisexual. (In my opinion). I'm a lesbian who would have never been with a bisexual person when I was dating. I'm way to paranoid and always felt that that person would have eventually gone straight because it is just easier to exist in society as a straight person.
If you are looking long term, perhaps coming to terms with the fact that at some point she may want to go out and be with a woman is a good bet. The two of you can work out the specifics, such as sharing in the experience, etc.
I'm thinking I probably wasn't too much help. Perhaps you should read through the posts (there are alot in the Introduce Yourself section) as there are alot of bisexual people here and send them some PMs or just reply to their posts. Their feedback should be interesting to you.