It's been slowly happening for a while. I've known since my mid-teens that I was bisexual, but I never really acted on it. I'm 21 now, and I've had one serious relationship with a girl, but over the past few weeks, I've noticed a serious change. I'm feeling less and less attracted to men and more attracted to women to the point where I don't even consider talking to men on a particular social networking site I've been part of that is very open with communication, sending messages to people, starting conversations, sending virtual gifts to each other, playing games together, etc. However, whenever I get a message from a guy, I'm so uninterested that I don't even bother to open it. I just delete it. I only want to talk to other girls and women. Why is this a problem? I have a boyfriend, and we've been together for the past six months. He's essentially everything I could ask for in a boyfriend, but I'm finding myself less and less attracted to him. Cuddling is fine. I'm okay with kissing to a point. But I no longer want to have sex with him at all, and we used to have sex all the time. It's not that I don't want to be with him. It's not that I don't just want to make love to him. I just don't want want to be with him because he's a man. I'm wondering if this is a phase. I'm bipolar, so my mood changes a lot, even though I've had professional help and been medicated for years, but nothing like this has ever happened before, and it happened so quickly, within a month. Now, I don't know what to do. Should I wait it out and see how I feel a couple months from now? I mean, it's not like I can go behind his back and cheat on him to find out if being with a woman is what I really want. At this point, I have no idea what to do. It doesn't help that he is severely depressed and doesn't want to talk to or be with anyone right now. I feel like laying this on him now might push him over the edge. I'm so lost. I'm so confused. I have no idea what to do or where to even start.
It is not unusual to start off thinking you are bi and then settling into being completely lesbian/gay. I would wait a little while and see what happens. Your boyfriend is struggling and this is a sudden change for you so it might just be related to bipolar drugs. I'm not sure about that - you should ask your prescribing doctor about that.
If the feeling persist, of course, you have to be honest with your boyfriend. But, don't stress out and feel a need to label yourself right away.
I'm pretty solid with my meds. Not much has changed over the years. I'm not afraid of being labeled or being afraid of being a lesbian. I guess I'm scared of being confused and not knowing what I really want. Well, there's that, and then there's the possibility of having to tell my boyfriend.
But thanks. I'm happy to hear that it's not uncommon for this to happen. I'd really like to talk to someone who has gone through it, but I'm not quite sure where to look.
I don't think you will be confused for too long. Sexuality is instinctive and if you just pay attention to your gut feelings you will know the answer. I thought I was bisexual but only for a short period of time. I pretty quickly just lost interest in men. Even when I was pretty much just interested in women I still dated men for a little while - and after the date I'd go to the women's bar. It is a transition.
I understand your concern with your boyfriend. Perhaps tell him while he has support around him, or a therapist, and that way he will have help dealing. And you, of course, can still be there for him as a friend.
You can try posting in the bisexual section and ask if anyone has had periods of leaning toward one gender or the other.
Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I've been bisexual for so long that it kind of hit me out of nowhere to suddenly not be interested in men. Going to the bisexual section might be really helpful, and I'll do my best to just pay attention to the way I feel. Again, thanks.