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Well, I live at home with my mother. She's pretty homophobic, in fact every time I do something stupid she says "Well at least you're not a fag." My dad's about the same. The only one I can really trust to accept me in my family is my step-mother. I'm 18 and I'm ready to live my life happily. I've tried changing who I am, but I'm finally coming to terms with myself. It took all I had to look in the mirror and say "I'm gay" to myself. SO hard in fact that I burst into tears immediately afterwards. I'm not sure how my mom will react. Some of my friends know, but not all. The only people that I've told are trustworthy and accepting.
Any advice would be appreciated..
|As you seem to know, it is inevitable that you will need to come out. You are taking a big and important step toward your own happiness and you should be proud.
Alot of people say really homophobic things until they find out that their own kid is gay. Then they go through a process where they need to challenge their own prejudices and eventually realize that they were wrong. Although there are always parents/people who can not overcome their prejudice, I would say that most will eventually come around and that their love for their child overpowers their own prejudices.
That being said, from what you've said about your parents, it sounds like when you come out to them you should be prepared for some push back. Ways to be prepared:
1- talk with your step mother who may have an idea of how to approach the subject
2 - have brochures and books from PFLAG so when your parents calm down they can hopefully read through them and become educated
3 - have someplace to go where you can be around supportive people after you tell them. My sister and I came out to my parents together and after answering any questions they had we left in order to give them time to go through their emotions.
4 - find an lgbt support group/center somewhere nearby. it will help you so much to talk it out with others.
Most of all, stay proud of who you are. Know that you are a beautiful human being. If your parents say mean things, or reject you in any way, remind yourself that it is their character flaw, not yours.
Also, remember your own reaction when you figured out you were gay. It took you a little while to understand and accept yourself. The same will be true with your parents. So, some understanding and patience will help too - although do not confuse understanding and patience with accepting abuse.
Know that although your parents may say some mean things, they still love you.
There is also no rush. If you need some time for youself do not be afraid to take it. When I came out I was so ready it was hard to keep it in.
Please keep posting. The rewards will far outweigh the difficulties you may experience when coming out.
|Thank you so much
This really helped me out a lot, and I recently discovered a LGBT support group at a local university for all teenagers and young adults. I'll definitely take this advice to heart.