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Joined: 2013-02-07
Posts: 1
Hi I'm 17 and I just had a really heated debate with my stepfather about bisexuality. He said it doesn't exist and I said it does. We're both pretty opinionated hard headed people so we don't really know when to stop.

There wasn't any yelling or anything like that, I just started tearing up because I myself don't really know where I stand with my sexuality...

When he thought he upset me I simply said that my friend is bisexual and that it sucks that some people don't believe her if she sas she's bi.
When in reality I find myself extremely attracted to women. I get crushes on girls like I do boys..I had hopes that if I ever brought home a girlfriend that my parents would take me seriously. Then I think that maybe I'm not bisexual and just think girls are attractive, but then I catch myself thinking of being in a relationship with my lady crushes..Confusion all around haha.

I'm aware that people are entitled to their opinion and I don't think that he's not allowed to have one. I'm simply sad that what I kinda sorta feel he explains as non-existent or confusion.
I'm not upset that he has an opinion I'm just crying because the opinion he has tugs at my heart.

I have never told anyone of my sexual orientation, mostly because I have extreme social anxiety. I don't know how to deal with my feelings or how to understand it... I just need help understanding and being more open to people's opinions since I know there will be people who don't believe in the that things I feel.
I'm sitting here calling myself a drama queen. I just need someone to talk to I suppose..



Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
Well, of course you are right - it is almost common knowledge that bisexuality exists and that all people have a certain amount of gay and straight dna and what determines a person's sexual orientation is the amount of each you happened to be born with.  Visualize a sliding scale with gay on one side, straight on the other and bisexual in the middle.  Depending on how much of gay and straight dna you were born with will determine where your sexual orientation rests on the sliding scale. 

So many parents have to travel their own path toward acceptance of bisexual, gay, lesbian or transgendered kids.  It is new to them and they have to wrap their heads around it.  The important thing is for you to keep being who you are, don't change for your father and he will eventually understand that you mean what you say.  You can always contact PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) and they will have literature that will explain to him that it is a scientific fact that a variety of sexual orientations exists and it is really only disputed by religious beliefs.

I still struggle with letting people have their own opinions.  That is a tough one.  I'm the most successful with it when I focus on myself and being confident in my beliefs.  When I am centered, focused and confident in myself and my beliefs then it isn't as important to me to change other people's minds. 

Figuring out ones own sexual orientation can be tough at first.  But it quickly turns fun (well, it did for me anyway!  ;)).  Just go with your natural instinct and what feels right inside.  Don't be in a rush to get it all figured out and to label yourself.  Be open to opportunities and experimentation as it comes your way and slowly you will know what is right for you.  Then you can worry about letting others know about it.  Let your opportunities come naturally for better experiences.  The first time I kissed a woman I knew I was lesbian.  It was mostly exciting and a little confusing.  I had moved to SF to give myself the freedom to explore and it reall paid off for me.  I developed confidence in my lesbian orientation because I was around so much positive energy in SF.

Know that whatever you decide, it is perfectly fine and natural.  Remain confident and proud of yourself.

Keep us posted!  Go forth and conquer!  :

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