Hi. I'm looking for some advice on a sensitive topic, and I wasn't sure where on the board it belonged, so I'm just posting it here (admins can feel free to put it in a more appropriate section)
I'm a gay recovering alcoholic, and I work a strong program(Five years clean and sober, yippie!). Part of that program is volunteer shifts at our local AA office, and I've met someone. He's also in recovery, and from what I can tell is a really great guy, and a good match for me. We've flirted a little, and I'm pretty sure there's chemistry going on... What's the problem, you ask? Well in a nutshell, here it is.
He used to be an intravenous drug user (I'm not judging him; don't get me wrong. I am far from having a clean slate myself), and I don't think I'm going to be comfortable going 'below the belt' with him unless I can get him to take an HIV test. During my time drinking safe sex wasn't very high on my priority list, but by some miracle I didn't catch HIV or any of the myriad of nasty STDs out there. And since my life is going very well I don't want anything to happen which could potentially screw it up.
I just don't know how to ask without coming off as a judgmental prick. Am I out of line for even wanting to ask? Any feedback I could get on this (constructive please) would be very helpful.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with just being direct and asking. You don't have to say it is because of his drug use - just say it is a general "safe sex" policy that you practice. I spent 10 years in SF during the heavy AIDs days and it was a very natural and understood thing to make sure a new partner was tested and to practice save sex.
It is all in the delivery and how you sound when you say it.