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HIV testing
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 Posted: 2013-02-01 05:50 am
1st Post


Joined: 2013-02-01
Posts: 2
Hi. I'm looking for some advice on a sensitive topic, and I wasn't sure where on the board it belonged, so I'm just posting it here (admins can feel free to put it in a more appropriate section)

I'm a gay recovering alcoholic, and I work a strong program(Five years clean and sober, yippie!). Part of that program is volunteer shifts at our local AA office, and I've met someone. He's also in recovery, and from what I can tell is a really great guy, and a good match for me. We've flirted a little, and I'm pretty sure there's chemistry going on... What's the problem, you ask? Well in a nutshell, here it is.

He used to be an intravenous drug user (I'm not judging him; don't get me wrong. I am far from having a clean slate myself), and I don't think I'm going to be comfortable going 'below the belt' with him unless I can get him to take an HIV test. During my time drinking safe sex wasn't very high on my priority list, but by some miracle I didn't catch HIV or any of the myriad of nasty STDs out there. And since my life is going very well I don't want anything to happen which could potentially screw it up.

I just don't know how to ask without coming off as a judgmental prick. Am I out of line for even wanting to ask? Any feedback I could get on this (constructive please) would be very helpful.

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 Posted: 2013-02-01 10:25 pm
2nd Post


Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
There is absolutely nothing wrong with just being direct and asking.  You don't have to say it is because of his drug use - just say it is a general "safe sex" policy that you practice.  I spent 10 years in SF during the heavy AIDs days and it was a very natural and understood thing to make sure a new partner was tested and to practice save sex. 

It is all in the delivery and how you sound when you say it.

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