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|So today I finally accepted my sexuality. I'm not sure if I'm fully gay or bi, but I finally accepted the fact that I like girls. I told my best friend who I couldn't trust more and my honorary big sister also who I trust so much. I have a crush on my honorary big sister's REAL little sister, who's my age. So my best friend and the girl I like are talking because they are good friends. They were all talking about how their dad's are shitty and stuff and I said my life sucked too and the girl I like said something along the lines of "You just don't understand". I kind of almost cracked. About 5 minutes later I cut off their conversation and said this exactly, "Ingrid. I think I'm gay and I love you." Right after I said that I think I almost passed out. The look on her face was terrifying. She then said exactly, "I-I'm sorry... I just don't feel that way..." I knew she would say that... WHY DID I SAY THAT?!?!?!?! I mean, I JUST accepted the fact that I'm gay, why did I go and not creep out, but fucking full speed run out of the closet, and not only that, but to my FUCKING CRUSH.
Is it normal to want to kill myself?
OH! I should probably also mention that I'm a Catholic at a Catholic HS, so yeah. I guess that's part of the reason I kept denying it for 2 years...
|Congratulations on coming out! Waiting a couple years to come out is actually a pretty short time - especially when growing up in a religious household.
Don't be so hard on yourself for expressing your feelings to your crush. I admire you for doing it. Too often in life people hesitate, act too cautiously and therefore never get what they want. You put it out there - she responded - its over. You tried. Totally makes sense that you are excited right now cause you are coming out and that you would feel the urge to put your feelings out there toward your crush.
Celebrate yourself - and keep putting yourself out there. The thing about being pro-active is that sometimes you get rejected. But that is ok cause at least you tried.
You've got a lot of exploring to do so have fun!