LGBT Community Forum - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered & Drag Network > Bisexual > General Discussions > i have always labelled myself straight
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|Hi to anyone who reads this. i am sort of writing on this to get some advice and an honest view on my current state of mind. I don't know if i should be writing on here so i'm really sorry if i offend anyone by doing so and i will apologise in advance but i just want some honest advice really. i am a 25 year old male who all my life has considered myself straight, even at an early age i have always been fascinated by women... i would dream about them all the time. throughout my life the thought of being with a girl has excited me, even though i didn't have much luck with the ladies through school due to me being insecure about my looks and body i still fancied gitls in school. Even though i consider myself straight i would still no an atteactive lad when i saw one but i would never think of it in any otger way like having a sexual fantasy or anything like that and i still dont its always about women and even pornography i always watched girl on girl because i didnt like the thought of seeing a naked man. anyway ihave always been a sexual person and loved making love too women! Performing and receiving oral sex from a girl was my favourite. i have had many girlfriends and i always seemed to get hurt in every relationship i have had its never been plain sailing! But even while in relationships i always thought of girls. anyway i started a relationship with a girl who i fancied at work for years and i finally plucked up the courage to ask her out... we went out and it was amazing i instantly became attracted to her and we have been together ever since (9 months) i enjoyed spending time with her and couldnt wait to see her everyday, we went on holiday and it was amazing i loved every minute of it we got on so well, i told her i was falling in love with her and she said the same. i couldn't believe my luck i had finallt met a girl who i could actually talk too and joke with and we have always had amazing sex i felt like the luckiest guy on earth! But my problem has started since i went on a lads weekend away just after my holiday with my girlfriend. one of my friends who is openly out as liking men tried to put his penis in my mouth while i was asleep drunk for a joke at the time i was dreaming of my girlfriend at the time and when i woke it freaked me out as he was just about to do it, this scared me as i thought i might of subconsciencely been aroused because of him. i thought nothinf of it the rest of the holiday. i got home and the first natural thing i did because i hadnt seen my girlfriend was make love to her. later that evening after we had been out watching the football and thats when the thought of it happening came into my mind i felt instantly sick! the feeling soon passed and we went to bed, we started to hace sex and i was receiving oral from her when all of a sudden the image came into my mind again and i nearly said the guys name instead of hers this instantly made me lose whatever arousal i had after a heavy weekend drinking. the next three days this was all i could think about nearly saying his name and blaming my arousal when he tried to do the act on the fact i must be gay! Slowly but surely i had managed to twist everything i have ever done into the reason i must be gay. It has been torture ever since! I dont know why i thought it must mean im gay but i did and being on a big cone down off the weekend didnt help. every day for 4 months i have just had the question and doubt of am i gay or not all day every day it is truly an unbelievable nightmare for me. i have been put on anti depressants which i have taken for over 2 months now and the thought and doubt is now making me question my relationship with my girlfriend! I just want to cry thats how it makes me feel. The questioning of the relationship with my girlfriend only happens at weekend and lasts for about 2 hours but then i feel fine again happy veing with her! I spoke to my mate who tried to do the act on holiday and told him how it has been making me feel and he says that because i am an open minded person that my thoughts are confusing reality with irrationality and that he has never once thought i could be gay, he suggested maybe posting my story on this kind of forum to grt some honest advice on what may be the issue and also how to move forward and also how to make sure it doesnt ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. I only have the question and self doubt in my mind nothing else and i havent had any dreams of men or anything like that its just the questioning which is constantly going on through my mind every day. like i mentioned before i have never been sexually attracted to a guy or been aroused even though i can notice they are good looking but i cant even watch football or be in the same room as a man or even watch telly in fear that i might become suddenly aroused by a man. please could i have honest advice in what to do with my girlfriend as she is my main concern and also what this issue could be? Again i am really sorry if this is not the forum or the website to be posting on and if i have offended anyone by doing so i really am sorry, i would just like to get some honest advice for my problem. thank you if you have taken the time to read this.
|You seem straight to me. Your problem is that you are trying to label yourself with one of three descriptions (gay, straight, bi) and none fit like a glove. Straight doesn't fit (in your mind) because you had one or two moments of arrousal by a man.
Every person's sexuality is somewhere on a scale between straight, bisexual or gay. There is a lot of gray area on that scale. So maybe you had a moment of arousal toward a man - that is ok and doesn't mean too much at all. I know many people who have been "with" the same sex once or twice, or perhaps find a person of the same sex attractive on some occasion. That doesn't define them as gay - or necessarily bi.
If you are an open person I do not understand why the thought of being bisexual or gay is so horrifying to you - but that is a different subject.
I think you are building this up in your head because you had an unusual thing happen to you and you had a moment of possible arrousal by so now you think you have to sit squarely in the gay, bi or straight category to label yourself.
Let go of worrying about this. If you find yourself attracted to the same sex every now and again, big deal. Many people have occasional experiences with the same sex but still see themselves as pretty much straight (or technically in the gray area very close to straight on the scale). So, stop obsessing about it and I think you will find that it is no big deal and these obssessive thoughts will go away.
And, if you find yourself experimenting with a man someday, big deal. You can't define yourself with a simplified lable based on one experience.