This will be without a doubt the most important step in finding out who I really am. I have not come out to anyone yet. I have always known that I am a lesbian. Since I can remember I have been attracted to girls/women. I have always just been explained as a "tomboy" by everyone I know. However, this summer I decided after wanting short hair for six years to finally just cut it off. This was good in many ways in my journey to find myself. Bad because it meant leaving my boyfriend of two years...and breaking his heart, badly. What's even worse is that I was afraid to come out and just jumped on the next guy that liked my way.
Big mistake....he is 13 years older than I am( I am 21) with HUGE emotional baggage. He is suicidal and it gets worse when he thinks I am going to leave. I am seeking help from a counselor to end this relationship as cleanly as possible, considering the fact that he did attempt suicide when I tried to leave him. He is very religious and VERY homophobic. Sometimes I just don't know what to do.
I have no idea how my Catholic family will take it when I come out. My friends will be great. As will my boss and coworkers. I just can't keep this inside any longer and I cannot live hiding my true identity.
Thanks for joining our community and sharing your story. You are going through the difficult part right now - but rest assured that it will get better and better and better! One thing to keep in mind as you take the steps to come out, and for that matter as a basic lesson in life, the best you can do is be honest and be yourself. You can not control how others respond to what you tell them, and how they respond. That is their journey.
You may go through some bumpy times after you come out but remember that they still love you - they just need to travel their own paths to acceptance.
You are on the right track with bringing a counselor into your situation with your boyfriend who is suicidal. If he has any close relatives or friends, it may be wise to have them nearby when you do leave him so he has a support.
Read through the posts and you will find people who have gone through similar experiences and they all agree on one thing - although it was tough, the freedom of being true to your nature and proud enough to share who you are - is a very freeing experience.
Try to find an LGBT support/community center either through your school or in a larger city. You will be able to make friends and gather support from others like yourself. And if you are temporarily cast aside by your family, they will be your family.
I'm sure what I'm going through doesn't even compare to what you're experiencing. But I know exactly how it feels to be hiding your true identity...from your friends, family, and everyone else important in your life. I was raised in a Catholic family and that is one of the main reasons I keep pushing my feelings for women away.
I know you don't want to hurt your current boyfriend, but you need to remember your own happiness too, you know? That is a tough situation you're in, and I honestly don't know what I would do if I was in your position. I just wonder how he would react if you told him who you really were, and if he would accept you.
I just thought I would share part of my story to tell you that you are not alone! Keep your head up.