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 Posted: 2012-07-06 02:03 pm
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ftmichael
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Not sure if you're near any state lines, but:

PFLAG Shreveport, LA: http://pflagshreveport.wordpress.com/

PFLAG Tyler, TX: http://community.pflag.org/tylereasttexas

PFLAG Jackson, MS: http://www.pflagms.org/

Also, just contact the organisations even if they're not in your area and ask if they know of anyone closer to you. Leave your contact info and ask them to pass it along to anyone else who calls looking to make connections in your area. That's how networking and support happen.

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 02:23 pm
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archubbycub
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Thanks I'll check them out and see what I can find out. Just keep sending positive energy my way! Feeling a bit down today for some reason. :(



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-07 12:00 am
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marshmallow

 

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Two hour drive might be worth it!  I use to drive 2 hours just to get to work....  ;)

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 Posted: 2012-07-07 04:00 am
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archubbycub
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Not saying it wouldn' be worth it but I can tell you for a fact that if I tell her i'm going to see a gay friendly councilor in Little Rock, the s**t will hit the proverbial fan! Trust me on that one!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-07 02:39 pm
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archubbycub
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OMG!! I found out yesterday evening that she went to our family doctor and told him about me "thinking I'm gay" (her words not mine)!! She said tha she didn't go into great detail about everything that has gone on since I told her, and that the doctor said he wouldn't even mention it to me unless I brought it up, but I'm still hurt and upset that she did this! I feel like it is my place to decide who knows and who doesn't, and yet she is the one who has told the majority of the people who know. For score keeping purposes, I've told her, both the kids, my parents, and one close friend who I trust completely. She has told our pastor and his wife, her sister, her supervisor at work who in turn told her boss who then told one other person, her parents, and now our doctor! I understand she's hurting and she's depressed, and that I'm the cause of her hurt and depression, but what I don't understand is the fact that the person who DIDN'T wont this leaked all over the countryside is out flapping her gums about it! Talk about being a hypocrite!!! It almost makes me want to just go completely public with it and then just deal with the fall out!! That way she can't be in control of it anymore!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-11 12:08 am
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marshmallow

 

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I hate to say this - but - don't tell her you are going to the therapist.  It is your business - you need to go in order to help yourself through this - and in the end, it will help your wife and your children.

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 Posted: 2012-07-11 12:12 am
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marshmallow

 

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Wow - she really isn't thinking of the kids at all.  It seems to me that she has told so many people that probably almost everyone knows now.  I mean - in a small conservative town finding out someone's husband is gay/bisexual is pretty juicy gossip for the bored mind.

I think you need to set her down and be frank with her.  Tell her she is the one who is not acting in a way that is best for the kids and she needs to get a hold of herself. 

What you said about coming out to everyone yourself is has some merit.  Just short of that (since you shouldn't really come out until you are ready), you can tell her that if she tells one more person then you WILL take control and come out to everybody. 

At some point you do have to take control.  And please go to that therapist you said you found.

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 Posted: 2012-07-11 04:37 pm
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archubbycub
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I haven't found a therapist yet (still looking) but I had already decided that if she tells one more person about this I was going to tell her the next time she tells someone I'm going to tell everyone! I'll threaten with posting on Facebook and telling our friends personally. I think I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to shut down completely towards her. Anytime she says anything to me at all I just want to tell her to shut the f**k up. I've even muttered it under my breath when I'm sure she can't hear me. I have a bad feeling that when it all hits the fan it's going to be quite ugly.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-13 04:41 am
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marshmallow

 

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Might be better for you, her and your kids to not wait until it gets so explosive.  Tackle it now - be proactive and do it the right way. 

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 Posted: 2012-07-13 01:47 pm
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archubbycub
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I know, and honestly, I want out of the marriage, not simply so I can be free to explore this part of me that I've never been able to, but mainly so no one gets hurt any more. I know her whole world has been ripped out from under her, but her forcing me to stay and pretend I still have marital feelings toward her is ripping me apart inside. I don't like lying, never have.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-13 03:39 pm
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marshmallow

 

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She can't "force" you to do anything.    Plan it out so she has support at the house after you leave and just do it.  Get a lawyer who will help you with being able to have visitation rights, etc.  You need a gay friendly lawyer and therapist to help you and you need to do this in a way that is kind to your family.  Don't let negative feelings build up until it is an uglier mess than it has to be.  Take the lead, be kind to your wife, your kinds and yourself.  You can't help how you were born and what you need to do right now but you can help how it is done.

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 Posted: 2012-07-13 05:49 pm
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archubbycub
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Yes I know she can only do to me what I allow. But right now I am financially not able to get a place of my own and have no one that I could stay with until I could get a place. My parents are siding with her and I don't want to drag anyone else into this nightmare in case it turns ugly!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-13 07:29 pm
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archubbycub
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You know, I've been thinking since that last post and I know I complain a lot about my situation, but honestly, I have never been happier with myself than I have since I came out. I feel better about myself. Before now, I would feel so guilty when I would look at another guy and or fantasize about him. Now it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I wouldn't care if the whole world knew I was gay (obviously I've been posting it on here, LOL). It's everyone else who has a problem with who I am. :)



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-21 07:05 am
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marshmallow

 

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You are finally getting a taste of what it feels like to honor who you are.  The freedom is wonderful and it will only get better and better.  ;)

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 Posted: 2012-07-23 11:20 pm
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archubbycub
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I am, and my new "friend" is really helping me. He keeps reminding me that even though I'm going through some tough times right now, there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it's not a freight train about to run me over either. I know I need to wait until I'm officially separated and divorced from my wife, but there are times when I just want to run away with him and never look back!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-29 05:51 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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Update on my crazy messed up life. The wife and I are in the talks of divorcing. Of course it's not a very good atmosphere around the house right now. In fact, the other night I left and went to a friends house. He knows the situation and suspected all along that I'm gay. He is too and it was nice to be able to set and talk to him and his partner about all of this and not be judged or made to feel guilty about it all. They even took me out for supper and let me sleep in their spare bedroom. I got the best night sleep I'd had in ages.

The kids are taking it pretty hard, which is to be expected. But I keep trying to reassure them that no matter what I will always be here for them. I think my oldest, even though he's angry, is starting to see some of the tricks she's using, but it's my youngest I'm worried about. Not only is he being influenced by her, but my mom is feeding him all kinds of crap too. I guess only time will tell what happens there.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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