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where to even start?
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 Posted: 2012-06-07 12:04 pm
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Winterangel

 

Joined: 2012-06-07
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I am female, married, and working on having a baby with my loving husband. Something was pointed out to me today that opened my eyes in the way I see myself, but I don't even know where to begin to find this new self. I don't like myself. I hate the way I look, I hate feeling out of place and abnormal. I'm butch, my husband calls me butch... but I call him fruity. He identifies as pan/bisexual and wants more than anything for me to find out who I am so that I am happy with me. I love him with all of my heart. <3 He's supportive and amazing.

We were talking this morning and he said something:

"I know we joke about it, but I think it might be a real possibility. I think you might be a gay man trapped in a woman's body."

It actually made sense to me and he wants me to explore more about my feelings and become the person that makes me the happiest. I don't even know where to start though... so I joined this forum to see if I could get some clarity and help when I'm confused about who I am and scared to take the steps towards finding my happy me.

I'm almost 30, I've lived in MO for half of my life and the other half was spent sheltered because of my stepmother. I'm still trying to find out who I am, what I want to do and ultimately how I will be the most happy.

It might sound really strange... but I need help connecting with a side of me that I never acknowledged. I need help trying to figure out how to explore my... gay male side.

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 Posted: 2012-06-08 11:41 pm
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marshmallow

 

Joined: 2011-05-25
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Hi and welcome.  I'm not really sure what you mean by a "gay male side."  Gay men tend to have more feminine characteristics than straight men - but you are already a woman  (obviously ;)).  Maybe if you can explain the characteristics about yourself that you feel can be defined as gay male. 

Sexually are you attracted to men only?  Perhaps you are simply bisexual and have an even balance of male and female hormones making you not really fit solidly in one camp or the other.

 

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