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taylorgoesmoo333

 

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I used to go by bisexual, but now I really do think I'm a lesbian. There were alot of signs when I was younger, but I never noticed it until about a year ago. I'm not attracted to guys at all, but I feel guilty for not, that is why I go by bisexual. I feel I will never have the same things with a girl, as I would with a guy. In the future I see myself with girls, but then I feel that I will only end up with a guy because girls don't seem to like me. I know I like girls, but I'm not sure I like guys at all. I only want to date girls, but lesbians never seem interested, and I feel I'll be single forever. I prefer girls, but I would date anyone if I really liked them, and they were kind to me. I'm so confused......... My family accepts me, but I can't accept myself......... :(

Did any of you go through this?

How do I learn to accept myself?

Do I sound like a bisexual or a lesbian?

Did any lesbians go through this at one time or another?

Is this an example of what some people call the 'bisexual bridge'?

Please help me, thanks you so much to whoever helps by the way, it is VERY much appreciated!

dragonmaster765

 

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Let me first say that I'm a guy and I recently found out I liked men. My first two crushes rejected me, but we still remained friends. I labelled myself bisexual, but I know exactly how you feel. I'm more attracted to men than women and I don't feel the same for the two. But I realized I would date a girl if I found the right one. My first crush told me: "Don't label yourself. You love who you love. Simple as that." His advice has helped me a lot when I was discovering myself. I still don't know what to do about dating, so I really can't help you with that. But keep your mind open. You never know who you'll meet.

marshmallow

 

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You sound more lesbian than bisexual to me.  From what I read, you seem like men would be a last ditch situation but you really want women.

When I first started realizing I liked women, I labeled myself bisexual but found myself more and more focused on women only.  In fact, I was never with a man - ever - but still felt a need to label myself bisexual for a while.  Really, there was no contest - I was all about the women.

Why do you feel lesbians do not like you?  There is such a huge community of lesbians which is just as diverse as the hetersexual world.  Butch, fem, little bit of both, jocky, spiritual, professional - etc.  We are all so different from one another and so I think you should try to believe in that old saying: "there is someone out there for everyone".  That is also true in the lesbian community. 

Maybe you are just around a group of lesbians who are all acting the same.  Try to meet lesbians from a variety of places so that you meet a variety of lesbians.  I know when I lived in San Francisco all the lesbians seemed the same if I hung out in the same place all the time.  When I started branching out and meeting lesbians from a variety of places I was amazed at how different we all are from each other.  I never really fit into any of the lesbian stereotypes and I ended up meeting someone who also didn't fit in.  We were just us.  And we've been together for 25 years!

Do not give up on your passion - you will find the woman who is right for you!

Hope this made sense - its late and I'm tired....

 

marshmallow

 

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I forgot to address the subject of not accepting yourself.  Why do you not accept yourself?  I know it is because you think you may be lesbian and for sure bisexual - but what about that is hard for you to accept?  Is it based on religious beliefs?  About not fitting in to what society says is the "norm"?  What is it specifically?

taylorgoesmoo333

 

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That is exactly, and I mean EXACTLY how I feel about all of this. I'm starting to realize that labels really don't matter, and that I should pursue whoever I want without worrying what other people may think. I think everyone in the LGBTQ community should do this, just be who you want, and don't label yourself; I find I'm much happier when I don't. :]

taylorgoesmoo333

 

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My problem is that I'm trying to label myself, I don't want to, it is just easier to understand everything if you fit into a label. I need to realize that this is one of those things in life that isn't just black and white. I'm confused because I really like girls, I'm not really into guys, but there is this one guy that I know, and I REALLY like him. Right now there is a guy (the only guy I like) and a girl, and I don't know which one to pursue, you know? Also because I like this guy, I feel like I can't call myself gay. I like, I think that is what I'm doing now, I feel safer labeling myself as bisexual rather than lesbian. Although I really like girls, I feel like I will never have the same things with a girl than if I was with a guy. I don't have anyone in my family or any friends who are in the LGBTQ community either, so I feel like I have nobody to talk to about being gay.

No I'm not religious, I just keep second guessing myself, like, "No, I can't be a lesbian........ maybe this is just a phase.........". I guess it just struck me with surprise because I never really thought about it.

I feel like lesbians never like me because I always say I'm bisexual, even though I don't really think I am, and they always say things like, "Oh......... Your bisexual? I've dated a few before, I'll never do that again, now I only date lesbian... ect." The girls I like too are always the more butch ones too, and they think I'm straight.

I'm making it more difficult than it needs to be, I know........ I also write too much, so sorry about that, but I feel so much better getting all of this out. :]

mehhh1989

 

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As a gay guy I went through this as well. When I was quite a bit younger I would tell myself that I was straight and I just wanted to know what it was like to be with a guy. As I got older I started telling myself that I was bisexual. Ultimately, after I graduated high school I finally forced myself to say that I was gay, out loud. It felt kind of strange at first, but what I realized is that every time I got nervous about the fact that I was gay, was because I was afraid of what everyone else would think. I realized that every time I imagined myself with a girl, it wasn't because I actually wanted to spend my life with a female, but instead it was because I felt like that was what my parents and family would like. Maybe you really do accept yourself as lesbian, perhaps your only hesitation at this point is feeling like you can't have the same future as you would with a guy. It's interesting because my cousin got married recently and I am next in line to get married in my family, and I swear every few minutes I had someone coming up to me telling me that I was next. When I was at her wedding reception, her dad was making a toast, I had a moment where I felt like a wedding was something I would truly never have (regardless of any law). I realized later that while I find marriage and marriage equality to be extremely important, I also know that if I just allow myself to be happy, then maybe I actually stand a chance at being genuinely happy even if a "traditional wedding" isn't in my future. I hope that you will be able to completely embrace that part of you that says "hey ladies, I think you are quite amazing" if that is ultimately what you find to be truest to you.

Issues



Joined: 2013-02-18
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Dear Taylor,

I used to go by bisexual as well. I recognized my attraction to other males, but I never really had any experience with them. It was only until I had physical romantic contact with another male that I realized that what I felt for women was nothing but blood flow, no pleasure.

The term "bisexual bridge" I think is rubbish. I believe those who come out as bi first then gay/lesbian later had little to no physical romance with the same sex to say for sure their sexuality. *Note: I'm not bashing on bisexuals.


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