LGBT Community Forum - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered & Drag Network > Transgender > General Discussions > Would someone please give me some advice?
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|My wife loves me and knows that I am transgendered. I want to start transitioning, but she has that even though she would continue to love me, she would have to leave me. Why? Because her family would lose their respect for her. My mother in law knows I am transgendered and says that I need therapy to "fix what's wrong with me". My father in law hates anyone who isn't straight or doesn't live in their assigned gender roles. As it stands I am unhappy with my life, having been forced to live as a man. I consider myself a woman and a lesbian. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
|The first thing you should do is go to forums that are specifically for Trans people, and that are actually active. :P If you're under 50, http://forum.trueselves.com/ is an excellent place to start; if you're over 50, http://tgboards.com/ and the email lists at http://forge-forward.org/aging/ are good places to start.
Have your wife join http://groups.yahoo.com/group/transfamilyspouses/ . It's specifically for people who are married to Trans folks and there are a LOT of women whose husbands have come out as Trans women on there.
I definitely recommend getting a Livejournal at http://www.livejournal.com/create.bml . It's fine if you don't want to keep an online journal. You don't have to post in your personal journal. The point is the communities. Just reading the communities is hugely helpful; no one will pressure you to post or to share private info, and any posts you make can be locked so only community members can see them. See http://transgender.livejournal.com/1133801.html for LJ communities that may help you. I recommend the mtf and transgender communities in particular, but more is better. Go to the userinfo (profile) page of any community and click the link at the top right of the profile, where it says Join. And spend a lot of time at http://transgender.livejournal.com/tag/ .
Links for you - take your time going through them! The point is that you have a load of them so you can go through them at whatever pace you want, and in whatever order you want, and not have to stop to look for more for quite a while. Getting through them is not a race, and going through them slowly is probably a better idea. Go through them in whatever order you want; I just have them listed by URL length so they're easier to read.
* http://t-vox.org/ - resource/info central
* http://youtube.com/genderqueerchat - check back because new ones are added every day
* http://youtube.com/trannystargalactica - check back because new ones are added every day
Must-reads if you can get hold of them:
* Luna by Julie Anne Peters
* Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger
* She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan
* The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
* Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, edited by S. Bear Bergman and Kate Bornstein
* Trans Forming Families, edited by Mary Boenke (third edition, 2008, orange cover) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $10 US
* The Our Trans Children leaflet (sixth edition) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $2 US, or you can save and print it yourself for free. The booklet is their only source of revenue, so if you can pay for it, please do!
* TransGeneration (Ignore what Lucas says in the first episode about hormones being "very dangerous" - they're not, not if you get them through a competent doctor and have regular - which usually means annual - blood work, and that was irresponsible of him to say.)
(The books, aside from Trans Forming Families, can be ordered on amazon.com or you can get the ISBNs from amazon.com and bring them to any bookshop to order them. The DVD can be ordered on amazon.com also, as you see from the link.)