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"Bisexuals" in the lesbian community- what do YOU think???
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 Posted: 2012-04-03 07:04 am
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Loulou

 

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Hi guys!
I'm coming out as lesbian right now and it's really fun, plus I just got my hair cut short and it looks amazing.
BUT during the time I was still struggling I became aware of what seems to be one really annoying problem especially in the lesbian community:

the LESBIANS' VIEWS ON BISEXUALS..Many lesbians see ladies who haven't always been lesbian as "FAKE LESBIANS".
I think that as a community she should be tolerant towards one another and stick together.

THis is my personal experience with that subject:

When I was still with my ex, I thought I was bisexual because there are a few guys (maybe like 1 in 100) that I feel attracted to and because there were a few (but really few - very restricted) parts of hetero sex life that I liked.
However, I became more and more aware that I preferred girls so much and I love every aspect of them. I had also had two girlfriends. I knew I didn't want to live with him and his horrible family all my life have kids with him although I was craving for just being myself.
So that's when I broke up and I came out.

And then, talking to other lesbians and surfing through the internet, I noticed that a lot of lesbians who have a bisexual side but who clearly prefer ad need to be a lesbian (like me), are often viewed as "fake lesbians" in the lesbian community.
I don't get this. Why should it be "fake"?
Of course these kind of lesbians probably aren't 100% lesbian or haven't always been, but I think it's all just a question of what lifestyle you feel more comfortable with and identify with. - So it may also be a little bit of a personal decision I guess.
And when the preference is for girls is sooo drastically significant, can't I call myself a lesbian?

Now what do YOU think???
I'm very curious and I can't wiat to know what YOU think about this - it's a really important topic.

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 Posted: 2012-04-05 01:53 am
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marshmallow

 

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Welcome to our community.  My opinion is that a "lesbian" is someone who only sleeps with women.  If there is a woman who sleeps with women and men then she is not a lesbian but she is bisexual. 

When I was dating, if I found out a woman was bisexual then I usually would stop dating her.  Mostly because I was looking for a serious relationship and I figured if a person can go either way, they would most probably end up going the "safe" route when it is time to settle down.  Why not choose the path that would allow you to blend in to society?  That was my reasoning anyway......

In my opinion, a lesbian doesn't sleep with men - ever.  I would consider you to be bisexual.

Now, if a woman was sleeping with men before she figured out her sexual identity, but then after discovering her attraction to women, slept with women exclusively, then she is indeed a lesbian.

 

 

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 Posted: 2012-04-05 06:22 am
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Loulou

 

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I think it's kind of funny you say that because at this point you are considering me to be bi, but if I understood you right, you would see me as a lesbian in like 10 years if I had only been with women by then.
Plus, it literally gave me physical pain to sleep with my boyfriend - the doctors never found out where taht came from, until a psychologist told me my lesbian side was so strong that it harmed me to be with a man and that this was not right for me.
The pain and the cramps actually got stronger and stronger, and I might not be here anymore had I not broken up with him.

I also think that bisexuals have no problem being faithful and committed when the are with a person of the gender that they prefer, especially when they clearly prefer one gender to the other.
Also, nowadays it's not that much of a problem not to be "mainstream". At least in Germany, where I come from. I would never leave a person I love just to blend into society.
And I know many bisexuals who feel that way too. Because in the end, what matters most to a person is to be happy and to have found the partner that really feels right for you - not what society thinks about it.

So generally I can say: Give bisexuals a chance (I mean, if you want of course).
It's very hurtful to be rejected because of prejudices that might turn out not to be the case for an individual, and by following such prejudices you might lose a person you could have beenhappy with and that probably really loved you.

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 Posted: 2012-04-06 08:44 am
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marshmallow

 

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I thought I had read that you said you were still attracted to men but not as intensely as women.  In the end, it really only matters what you consider yourself to be. 

I believe you that bisexuals can be (and are) committed.  My deciding not to get involved with a bisexual was my own preference in terms of compatibility and what I thought was a good match for me.  Don't look at it so much as a prejudice or rejection - it is really just a preference.

When I was younger I thought that bisexuals were confused - but I've become enlightened since then.  I really do think it is just our DNA that determines where we land on the gay to straight spectrum. Some people fall all the way straight, some all the way gay/lesbians - or on a wide variety of places in between.  ;) 

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 Posted: 2012-04-06 10:27 am
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Loulou

 

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Thanks for your answer ;)
I didn't want to criticize you - it's pretty obvious and I guess good that you just followed your own preference.
You know what, I'm actually kind of disappointed I'm not like 100% lesbian because that would make things so much more simple I guess. Because that way you don't wonder all the time what your preference is, you just know^^. It sucks.

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