Im a 23yr old lesbian in California. I have been dating the same girl on and off since I was 17. It was love at first sight when I first seen her, and I seemed to see her around the city everywhere I went. We finally met in person after accidentally meeting through an online dating site. It was the best relationship ever. We were unseperable for the first two years and couldnt get enough of eachother..... As the years went by the relationship started to experience its ups and downs, but nothing I sure could not handle. I had to move to another city, and instead of my girlfriend moving with me she says that the city is too far away and she cant handle long distance, mind you shes still living with her parents. So after being together two years I try to make,her,realize how much she needs me and I write a 10page letter(literally 10 pages) telling her how I feel and saying that maybe we need a break, when actually I didnt want to break up, I js wanted her to beg me nt to leave. It didnt happen that way. She used it as her escape goat and said "maybe its for the best" I was young back then and didnt know how to communicate with her at the time to tell her my feelings. We were apart for two years and in between we've dated eachother and other people on and off. She dated women to pass the time, and I dated to move on. I never got over her and I tried every reason to be her friend. Whatever kept me in contact. I believed she was my soulmate and tried everything to one day get her back. I even stopped dating the women I would be dating at the moment to go back to her because I had faith that she had finally changed. I was always disappointed. When I was younger, she was the only girl I had ever been in a real relationship with, so I did not know what to expect or what om supposed to like, I just knew I was in love with her. The women ive dated after the break up tho gave me a chance to experience what the world had to offer, and I learned alot about myself within those two years. I fought with myself for years trying to make sense of our back and forth relationship. I was finally dating the perfect woman(many of those dont exist), I was happy and had everything I ever wanted. My ex sends me an email one day, and its deja vu all over again. I stopped dating my perfect woman to give it another try. We are together now, happy to say, bt I feel like of all the experience ive had thru the years we were apart I now want her to be like that. No I dnt want her to be like the other woman or do what they did. But sometimes I feel like my attraction is now changed and I want more than what she can give. Shes finally changed from the way she used to be, and now a more caring and considerate person, which for her took alot of work and courage. But I feel bad that maybe now that im older my mentality has changed also and I like what I like. I know ive waited 5yrs for her to be the way she is now but now I want more. Whats keeping me around is that she is still the love of my life and I feel like ive made a promise to the both of us to stick it out and make things work.