I don't know what to do anymore. Just recently two of my older sisters disowned me, publicly, on Facebook for being gay. My oldest sister has three kids that I love very much and now I will never be able to see them again. All because I am gay.
I can't afford professional help. I'm basically starving as it is just to get through university. I just need some comfort.
It's been about a week and a half since they disowned me, and I feel like I have coped well since, but every so often a moment like this comes along when I can't handle it anymore.
I have no one to go to. I don't have any friends up at university, my parents are homophobic, and I just really don't know what to do. I don't know how I can carry on knowing I can never see my niece or nephews ever again. They were my reason to live.
Hello and I'm glad you reached out. First off, please remember that nothing in life is permanent - and most probably your family's response to you being gay will change - they just need some time.
You have to remember that everyone has to take their own path towards acceptance. When you first figured out you were gay it probably even took you a while to truly accept and understand yourself. So, now, your family is in the same situation. I'm guessing they have some religious beliefs that has mislead them into thinking being gay is really wrong. So, they have to go through a process where they have to learn to challenge their beliefs and get to know you in a different way. This may take some time. It doesn't mean they have lost all their love for you forever. It is important to truly believe that they are the ones with character flaws - not you.
You say you can't live without them - but the fact is that you can and you will and you will not just survive but you will thrive! This doesn't mean that you will never see them again - it just means that you will give them their space to figure out their issues. While they are figuring themselves out you must move forward and develop relationships with others more like yourself. Still feel their love though - because it is still there. They have not lost their love for you - they are just confused. You can reach out to them via letter and let them know you understand they are confused and need time to figure out their feelings. Let them know that you love them, are the same person as you have always been, and will be there when they return. You might want to include some educational information for them to read which will explain to them that being gay is a result of dna and that God loves us all and that no one person is better than anyone else in God's eyes.
In the meantime, you find yourself alone and it is tough. Now is when you have to dig deep, grab hold of your own strength and realize that you are a wonderful person who was born gay and realize that you will survive no matter what the world throws at you. Because even if everything that you know has turned upside down, and the people closest to you have become unsupportive, you still have yourself and you are your most powerful asset in life. Believe in yourself, love yourself and use your strengths to move forward in life.
I'm in my fifties - and I can tell you that no one goes through life without hitting a rough patch. What makes and breaks a person is whether they can pull themselve's up by the boot straps, trust and love themselves and move forward with pride.
It is also important to find yourself an LGBT support group. Your University should have one. It would be a perfect place for you to get close with others experiencing similar struggles as yourself - and to make friends with similar interests. If your University does not have an LGBT support group you can find one in your community somewhere. This is very important - please do this as soon as possible. You may need to find a bigger city somewhere - but this will be an effort worth making.
I hope I'm making sense. For some reason I'm not being very articulate tonight. There are many posts on this site from people expressing the same issues. Going through some sense of allienation seems to be an initiation into gay society ! LOL As you will read through the posts you will see that we all make it through and find wonderful lgbt support groups/friends/families and lead very successful lives. We have stable relationships, have kids - anything we like.
For now, though, just know that you will survive and it will get better. You can do the following to help:
- dig deep to find your strength and love yourself, trust in yourself and become determined to move forward
- trust that your family has not stopped loving you and that your situation with them is not permanent. All things in life change.
-know that you have so much life ahead of you which will be filled with love and fun and happiness and kids and a great career - whatever you want
-find an lgbt support group to share feelings and laughs with other members of our vibrant community
- make some connections with people in this forum. you can send them messages or just reply to posts. please check out the post in the support section that is the videos of all the celebrities who have struggled, felt alone and have gone out to live wonderful lives.
- pursue interests that you have where you may run into open minded and accepting people - theatre comes to mind .....
- reach out to your family via letter - express your love and let them know you understand and will be waiting for them. Be proud of yourself though - do not apologize for who you are.