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 Posted: 2011-10-25 03:39 pm
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Geeraff

 

Joined: 2011-10-25
Location: Dallas
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So I just came out to my husband....yeah I'm one of those people who thought they could make themselves strait with marriage and time. It didn't work and I was misserable. Oh top of that he's emotionally and verbally abusive so I didn't pick the cream of the crop. I didn't want to come out the way I did...I wanted to divorce first but he was pressuring me about what I was doing to save the marriage and it came out. "I don't know. I don't know what TO do. I'm gay okay?" They say coming out is liberating. My butt I want to take it back and crawl back in the closet. Ever since I came out its typical him times a million. The only reason I'm not dead is because I don't want my son to find my body. BTW I would never do it public and I'm avioding home right now so its mostly thought with no action.

Anywho. He told my mom and my mom is one of those Christians who think being gay isn't a sin but living gay is...so living a lie isn't? She also thinks gay is a mental illness much like child molestation...see why I never wanted to come out? So she seems to think I'm delusional. I'm not really gay in fact there was a time I was strait. Yeah I can act therefore the truth is a lie. Then my mom had to tell her mom and grandma thinks i have the devil in me. :whatever: Grandma seems to think with enough prayer I will be "fixed" so she told EVERYONE and the whole family knows and I'm not allowed to talk to my little cousins lest I fill them with my filth.

I am entirely alone in this. I only know a handful of gay people and only one well and he's only come out to me and handful of friends. I have no one. I have lost my entire family. All I have is my son and my mom keeps telling my husband that Texas courts would consider my being gay abandonment (the only way mom doesn't get the kids in Texas). If I lose him I WILL self terminate. I want this to be over. I want gay friends...a girlfriend (or maybe a really good lesbian friend who understands the value of it staying platonic)...a family. I need to get out of Texas but I have to get my associates here before I can finish my undergrad elsewhere.

I guess what I need most is to know I'm not alone. That other people have parents who think gay=crazy. That other people tried the whole marriage thing...I know they have but I feel like the worst person in the world.



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 Posted: 2011-10-25 11:52 pm
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marshmallow

 

Joined: 2011-05-25
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Geeraf - welcome to the forum.  I'm glad you came and shared how you are feeling. 

First off, let me say, that there is nothing wrong with you.  Being gay, bi or straight is determined by DNA and it is not a choice.  You may already know this, but, if not - please remember that you are just fine and it is the people around you who have the character flaws and are somewhat ignorant.  They are being led by their noses by their religious beliefs, which is their right, but you do not have to be subject to it or live by it, this is a free world with a whole lot of options out there for you.  Spirituality doesn't have to be about organized religion.

Also, please remember, that they are on their paths of acceptance.  They may need to take time to come to an understanding.  It doesn't mean they don't love you necessarily.  But, while they are on your path, you have to be on yours as well.  You and your child need to live in a healthy, accepting environment - and you can find that in the lgbt community.

I hate to say it, but I think you should probably find a way to complete your schooling elsewhere.  Associates credits can typically be transferred - and there is no better time than the present.  Sounds like you live in a very close-minded place and you need to get your child and yourself  to a location that will not discriminate against you or your child.  What your family should be upset about is your husband who is abusive - they have it all backwards.

Can you come up with a plan to move to a more accepting location to continue your schooling?  It would be a much healthier way to live for you and your child and I think you would get better grades and be able to focus more completely on your education. 

I think what your family has been saying about texas courts treating you a certain way because you are gay could have a ring of truth - but - courts also understand that children need their mothers.  And, if you have proof of your husband's abuse you stand a pretty good chance - but check with the appropriate lawyer first (see below)

Some suggestions for a plan would be to: 

1 - find a lawyer that you can consult regarding your rights with your child.  Find one that is lgbt friendly.  You can try:  http://www.dglba.org/ (the Dallas Gay and Lesbian bar association - they have a find a "lawyer" section), or you can try contacting the Human Rights Campaign in Dallas:  http://www.hrc.org/blog/c/dallas-ft.-worth.

2 - search out lgbt friendly locations and their schooling, etc..  If you find out from the lawyer that you will need to stay in Texas, I believe Austin is a really cool town in Texas.  Check that out on line.

3 - save the money and get the hell out of there.

4 - There have to be Dallas lgbt support groups where you can get support - maybe find a roommate.  You need to replace the support you've lost with your family with support from your new lgbt family.  We are a close group who help each other.  There will be all types of support groups - youth, etc.,.  All you have to do is google "Dallas lgbt support group".

Believe me - you are not alone.  Many in the lgbt community have faced this situation and have come out on the other end happy.  Start with support groups and a lawyer.  Get out of there.

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes.  If you look around the site you will see others who have struggled and have conquered and found a new lgbt family.  There are support groups for lesbians with children and everything.  You will be amazed at how much is out there for you.  Do not delay - start taking control of your destiny today!

You may think about posting in the parent section too.  It is pretty empty but you never know who might be browsing

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 Posted: 2011-10-26 12:15 am
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Geeraff

 

Joined: 2011-10-25
Location: Dallas
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i intend to get my associates here and then hopefully finish my education in pacific NW. individual classes don't always transfer but certificates and degrees do



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 Posted: 2011-10-26 07:20 am
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marshmallow

 

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Pacific NW sounds great.  Best of luck to you.

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