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Mixed signals
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 Posted: 2016-01-15 07:39 am
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Rossignol

 

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So my straight friend whom I've told that I am a lesbian very early in our relation is sending me mixed signals. I think.
I have a crush on her but I haven't told her in clean words that I like her ... I will explain later.
We play on the same sports team so we naturally see each other three times a week. She joins me in my car till and from practice.
Other then that we usually hang out once (or twice) every week and some weeks not at all more than regular practice (enough for our teammates to notice and point out).
She is a bit shy and quiet. I am a bit more outgoing but shy when it comes to feelings and that sort of things.
We do not speak much of earlier relationships, girls, boys anymore. We did a little bit in the beginning when we started hanging out. And when we did she was very vague. Almost like she never had been dating, having a boyfriend etc. The only thing she have said occasionally is: "I guess I will find a guy at some point". But it sounds just like a typical phrase to say.
It strikes me that she's a bit unsecure about her sexuality. I should probably relate to that being a late bloomer myself but after being in the lgbt community before realizing liking girls it was no big deal for me just saying so. I consider myself very lucky that going so easy.

This is what's happening and it's turning me mental. Maybe I put too much into it since I like her.
- Every time we sleep in the same bed she comes very close during night putting her head at my shoulder. We spoon both ways as the big spoon and the little spoon. When it happens all I want is to grab her and get even closer but I don't. I have manners and I am afraid of loosing her and her friendship. She's not a physical person according to herself and after observing her with friends I haven't really seen her giving more than a hug - at most. It's a bit hard for me to understand that she then can spoons in her sleep? If I sleep next to someone I wake up instant if I get too close and "get back to my side of the bed" quite quick. It's a very intimate positions that I only do with a partner/lover.
- We went to a concert. We were both drunk. Suddenly she gave me a hug from behind. I was all in and hugged her back of course. Since she's not that physical I was a bit surprised that she did but hey I give a lot of hugs to my friends. But not her since she being not so physical. I respect boundaries. So I was very pleased when she did that on me.
We went out later that night and started dancing - like sexy dancing/dirty dancing. Her ass were in my crotch a lot. I held her on her hips, stomach and ass. And she let me. And I have to say I do not dance like that with my friends.
- When we text we sometimes end up with conversations like: I like that you like. I like that you like that I like. And so on..
- In play in our sports she ended up grabbing my boob during match. For me it felt like the time stood still and we had eye contact 10 sec before being back into the game. I wouldn't have given it attention with any other teammate doing that (it's a physical sports so we touch each other quite much. And how she ended up with excactly this sport is a mystery).
- At the movies she ordered the couples sofa all at the back. Everyone except us were snoggling back there.

As said earlier I haven't really told her that I like her but I have said and done things pointing in that direction. Like:
- letting her know that I love newly washed long hair and specially her hair (and guess who came with fresh hair the next day?)
- I said that her bum was the finest and my favourite on the team (it became a topic when one of our teammates said that my bum was the finest)
- for her birthday I made her a wordle with words like: sexy and beauty.
- for Christmas I wrote a very personal Christmas card. Not the typical Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year card. Ended it with: You are the most bautiful person I know <3.

I think she should at least have a feeling that I like her more than a friend. And if I had friend I knew liked me and me not liking this person back I would:
- respond gently that I'm not interested or that I'm not into men if it was a guy
- not say yes or take initiative to doing things together (holidays etc)
- not have that much contact. let it cool off
She does neither of this. We make a lot of plans. We go out for dinner, to the movies, hiking, camping, other sports and so on.
Does anybody have thoughts about this? And how would you react if your friend did this to you?

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 Posted: 2016-01-20 03:57 am
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Admin



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I think that you should have an honest conversation with her. She sounds shy so maybe she is waiting for you to start something. Maybe she is so confused herself that she isn't aware of the signals she is sending. Have an honest conversation and tell her that you are interested in more if she thinks she might be. Tell her that more than anything you do not want to lose the friendship and that if you were reading the signals wrong, no big deal. I wouldn't accuse her of sending sexual signals as it may freak her out. She say that you are reading it that way, perhaps because of your own interest, and give her an easy out. That is how I would handle it anyway.

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 Posted: 2016-01-20 07:18 pm
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Rossignol

 

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Hi,
and thank you for your reply.
She is very shy and as you say I have to handle this with care.
I will eventually have to talk to her. I just have to find the right moment.
But I am happy to see that I'm not alone thinking that she actually sends me signals.
That was maybe my main issue. If I got it all wrong thinking that. Now I have to find out if she means in.

Thanks again.

/Rossignol

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 Posted: 2016-01-20 08:15 pm
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The other question to think about is:  do you actually want to get involved with someone who is so conflicted and unsure of their feelings?

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 Posted: 2016-01-21 05:59 am
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Rossignol

 

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I definately will.
If she needs time to settle with the idea being with another woman I will give her time. But she will have to give me something to wait for.
Hopefully we will work this out :)

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