LGBT Community Forum - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered & Drag Network > Lesbians > General Discussions > Feelings are Numbed When We're Apart
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I just started talking to this girl about 2-3 weeks ago and we have great chemistry. We both like each other a lot and have not dated other women before, but we both know we exclusively want to talk to women at this point in our lives. We have tons in common. The same passions and interests in lifestyle. We are both cuddly, physical people. The more I hang with her, the stronger emotions I feel. Right after I go home from spending time together, I'll have this elated feeling and feel like if I lost her it would hurt a lot. I want to ask her to be mine soon, but I'm hitting this wall that's really concerning me. Sometimes I feel emotionally detached from her when we're apart for a certain length of time. I start having little fears, like what if she's not the "one" and I'll get trapped in a relationship where I dont wanna leave and hurt her, but it's not optimal for me or whatever.
I think I'm having these thoughts because my past couple of relationships put me through the wringer emotionally. I was crazy about one girl (who was straight) for two years and then I got really angry with her because she began treating me differently when she found out I am gay. I loved her more than anyone before, so I think that has created a lot of problems for me as far as me having mental comparisons of that relationship versus all feelings I've had for people following it. I know not all relationships will feel the same, but sometimes it's just hard to move on when nobody else makes you feel that intensely.
The girl I want to date now makes me have all the feels, obviously, it's just not as intense emotionally. I guess I get discouraged because of it and worry that maybe we're not right for each other. It also makes me angry that I'm having this occasional emotional detachment from her, because I want to feel close to her and commit. Clearly, there IS something there though, since when I'm with her and and for a period after being around her, I feel very happy and connected. I just don't get what's going on with me? Is this some kind of mental/emotional self protection from my brain?
Please guys if you have any feedback that could help me sort through this, that would be great.