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New to Site - Need to talk some things out.
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 Posted: 2015-02-02 08:35 pm
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ZhanePwns



Joined: 2015-02-02
Location: Kentucky USA
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Hey everyone. I'm new to this forum. Actually, this is my first time foruming. But I'm utterly lost and confused. I came out as gay two years ago even though I always felt something towards females. In a sad attempt of heterosexuality, I dated a guy in high school and got pregnant. Now I have a three year old boy who is my world.

So, recently I began to feel like I'm unhappy with who I am. I know I'm lesbian. I love females. But sometimes I catch myself looking at a guy that's hot, wishing I looked more like them. So I've been thinking about taking testosterone. But the thoughts creep me out.

I am scared of losing my family. I'm scared that once I begin, it'll be something I won't desire. I wonder how I will afford it. I'm uninsured and work at Walmart -.- I wonder what will happen to my chest. I kinda like my breasts. I am scared my son will despise me in the future because it's a likely thing that he will be bullied because of me in the future. I'm scared that I won't find love. I'm highly shy and to myself as it is, which is why I've had little success in making friends and mates. And if I do make the change, i'd have to explain my male appearance but my female genitals. Yeah, I want to keep that area the same.

I've seen/read a lot online, but there are always people who make the whole transition. They have top and lower surgery (can't spell the medical word for crap -.-). I've watched the L Word with Max and his transition. I know he didn't get lower surgery, but I think he did top. It seems like I have all these questions but Google is actually failing me.

So I've turned here for advice. Any help is appreciated :)

Last edited on 2015-02-02 08:36 pm by ZhanePwns

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 Posted: 2015-02-02 10:28 pm
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marshmallow

 

Joined: 2011-05-25
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All the thoughts you are experiencing are certainly understandable.  You are considering doing something that is a real life changer.  You did express some uncertainty as to whether you actually want to have a sex change.  For that reason, my opinion is that you should wait a bit.  You have a long life ahead of you so be patient and make sure you know what you want.  Waiting a while, and letting all your honest feelings about it surface, is much better than trying to decide now. 

Stay open to the idea and see how it continues to rest with you as some time goes by.

If you do decide to go through with it, then do so with confidence and excitement.  Do not worry about those that might reject you.  Also keep in mind that it is taking you a while to become comfortable with the idea so maybe those around you need a little time too.

There is a transgender section on this forum a little further down the page.  You will find others with similar feelings whom you can PM and get a discussion going.  There are also a bunch of links to resources.

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 Posted: 2015-02-02 11:43 pm
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ZhanePwns



Joined: 2015-02-02
Location: Kentucky USA
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Thanks for the reply.

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 Posted: 2015-02-03 12:54 am
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heatherf



Joined: 2015-02-02
Location: Pennsylvania USA
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ZhanePwns, I am new to this to I just registered. I am a inter-sexual women as I say it. I am basically a woman but male down below I think you should wait and get all emotions figured out I myself have never had the nerve or desire to be other than I am but have went through a lot of emotional termoil in life You can PM me anytime if you need to talk. Heatherf



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love and passion and acceptance feeds my soul!
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 Posted: 2015-02-03 07:08 am
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Admin



Joined: 2009-03-18
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I lived in Kentucky for a while.  LaGrange - north of Louisville.  Really beautiful countryside there.  The only place I've seen groups of horses galloping as if they were in the wild.  :)


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