A couple years ago, I met this girl. That's how it often starts isn't it? She was so amazing, I realized I had feelings for her pretty fast. At first it was subconscious, but then I had an "aha" moment where I was like, "Wait, I'm bi, I like girls too." About 6 months later, I met a girl who happened to be lesbian. I told her about the girl I liked and she suggested I might be lesbian also. I guess from the way I talked about her. Since then, I've made out with a girl and it was the most amazing kiss I've ever had. Way better than I ever felt with a guy.
I dated this one guy for about 9 months and it never felt like that to kiss him. Even when I really liked my best guy friend a couple years ago, I didn't get that buzz when I kissed him. I feel like I'll get really excited to kiss a guy and then it'll happen and it just feels like, "Oh, this is it?" It feels disappointing. Like how can I have butterflies and be excited about kissing someone, and it always be so bad? This is the response I feel each time I kiss a guy. It hasn't failed yet. I haven't had this ever with a girl. It's been great so far. Also, I don't ever feel like guys are physically attractive, but I will often think girls are beautiful or attractive.
Strangely, I do feel turned on by guys sometimes, but I don't really feel the same type of emotionally connection that I feel with women. This is confusing for me. How can I have sexual feelings for guys but not be physically attracted to them or feel emotionally connected? I don't know whether this means I'm bi or lesbian. Also, I am physically, emotionally, and sexually attracted to women.
Additionally, when I am with a girl, I feel very protective and more masculine. And it feels right and natural to me to feel that way. I always want to do things for her and make sure she's alright. I prefer to dress in guys clothes more often too, although I do occasionally feel like being girly.
I really just want some feedback from other people who have felt similar to me before and what they think may be going on?
Thank you for reading this and thanks for the help.
I appreciate it.
For some reason we have a very shy community here. People read other's posts, and share their own self-initiated posts, but not too many respond to other's posts. Did that make sense? There are a few people here and there who like to talk - seek them out.
What you describe in your post is more normal than you may think. You described exactly what it is like to slowing come to terms with one's own sexuality. I remember when I first had feelings and fantasies about women. It was confusing and I was still dating guys. Then I moved to San Francisco and started really being with women and loving it. Yet in the beginning I kept on dating guys for a little while.
Eventually, I finally let myself accept that I am a lesbian and stopped with the guys all together. After all, I might go out to eat with a guy but I wasn't even considering anything more intimate.
That was my experience. Your's might be a little different. We all fall somewhere between gay and straight. You may be mostly gay but have some straight tendencies. In the end, it isn't important to label yourself. Just go with the flow and move toward those you feel attracted to.
You definitely seem to be hanging near the lesbian side of the scale ... Enjoy!
Thank you for your response Admin! Your feedback helped me. For a long time, I was trying to put a label on myself because I wanted to understand this part of who I am so badly. I think it's probably common to be hyper aware of one's sexuality and preferences when you are first starting to realize who you are sexually. I feel myself moving away from this now and becoming more comfortable with it just being another part of me, and not who I am as a whole person, which feels great!
Hi, I'm new here Aine you can always count on me to reply I know how it feels as to what you are going through. I am both sexes and mostly attracted to women I look like a women so when women do find interst in me and I tell them that I have male parts down below they get kind of freaked out. But I'm also attracted to men but a little more toward female. I thought that I should be attracted to men because I am mostly female but I always felt more passion when kissing a woman. Always here to talk. Heatherf
____________________ love and passion and acceptance feeds my soul!
I appreciate your reply. I feel more passion when kissing a women versus a man, too. I think I like women a lot more, but I like guys in some ways. I'm not sure whether I would exclusively like to be with women or not yet, but I'll figure it out eventually, haha.