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Do sparks really fly?
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 Posted: 2015-01-08 09:38 am
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WanderingOne

 

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Hey,

I was wondering what it is meant to feel like when you kiss someone (like do people actually feel anything or is that just something that society says and if so what does it typically feel like).

I dated a guy over three years ago and we kissed, hooked up, all the typical teenage stuff but through it all I never felt anything. Like I felt a heart connection (if that makes sense) but absolutely nothing when we were physical.

So yeah I'm trying to figure out what this means, if anyone out there has been in a similar situation or has words of wisdom. Pretty much I'm trying to figure out if this is just normal (which I doubt), if I'm a lesbian, if I'm asexual or whatever else this could be.

Thanks in advanced guys and girls

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 Posted: 2015-01-09 01:34 am
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Aine

 

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Hey,

I know exactly what this feels like and I'm trying to figure out what it means too. I identify as lesbian, but I still have some sort of connection with guys. I like girls way more strongly than guys, though. Kissing guys doesn't do anything for me, but with girls it's an explosion. Like "Where have I been my whole life?"

Have you ever had butterflies for guys or girls? You mentioned kissing and doing things with a guy and having no physical feelings, but have you experienced anything with a girl that gave you feelings? You don't have to do anything with guys or girls to know your sexual orientation, but it can give insight.

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 Posted: 2015-01-09 11:16 am
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WanderingOne

 

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Hey,

I come from a fairly christian environment (home, school, social life etc) so there hasn't exactly been the opportunity to be with girls without coming out - which probably isn't the best idea if it ends up that I'm not a lesbian..

I wouldn't exactky say I've developed feelings for girls but Im pretty sure that's just because I've been conditioned to think so. I feel like that's changjng now that I've started to put a bit of distance between me and religion while I try and figure this out.

I don't know if that makes any sense, hope it does :)

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 Posted: 2015-01-09 05:26 pm
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Aine

 

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WanderingOne,

I also grew up in a Christian environment, which was very conservative over many things, including its views on homosexuality. I've brought up conversations about the LGBTQ community with my mom, but she does not support gay viewpoints either. It's difficult, but I realized that if she doesn't accept it, if, and when I decide to make it known that I am interested in women, then I don't need that negativity in my life. That being sad, it's usually not easy to let go of the people who have been so important to us while growing up, but sometimes it's necessary for our overall health. Some people's parents, friends and family are extremely supportive, however. You never know for sure how people react until you bring it up. I'm not saying that you should come out right now, I'm just putting some things out there to think about. I would get to know more about yourself and the LGBTQ community before making any decisions.

As for what you said about developing feelings for girls and the whole conditioning thing: I was raised in an environment where I knew zero lesbians and had little exposure to the LGBTQ community. So any thoughts I could have had running through my head about it didn't really have inspiration, because the idea that I could be attracted to girls was never brought to my attention until much later. I didn't realize the possibility could exist. It wasn't until I was already out of high school that I realized I had feelings for a girl that were so strong and unlike a "just friends" attraction that I began to consider that I could be bisexual, and then later, a lesbian. Once I saw how I could feel about girls, the feelings I had for guys just seemed minuscule in comparison. I just had to meet the right girl to draw those feelings out and show me what could be. The only person who can really know who you are is you, and that is discovered through time and honestly a whole lot of patience. Some people figure themselves out quickly and for others it takes longer.

I had do the same thing and separate myself from religion when I was really focusing on finding who I was. I'm still working on it, haha! But I realized one thing about that in all this, there's religion and then there's God. I think God doesn't really care about the color of our hair, what we like to eat, or who we love. I think he just wants us to know he loves us no matter what.

Don't worry, what you're saying makes perfect sense to me. I hope this stuff helps you!

Last edited on 2015-01-09 05:44 pm by Aine

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 Posted: 2015-02-06 01:48 pm
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heatherf



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Wonderingone, I think Aine gave perfect advice! Aine you are great! I have had to go through these emotional battles my self I am a physical complex person, so my whole life I have had to fight with identity, but there finally came a time that I came to terms with who I am. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself when the time is right you will find yourself. Best wishes, Heatherf



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 Posted: 2016-10-04 07:27 am
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boniy

 

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;)

Last edited on 2016-10-06 09:02 am by boniy

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