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 Posted: 2014-12-29 05:30 pm
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Dune

 

Joined: 2014-12-29
Location: Somewhere :), France
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Hi everyone, it’s nice to meet you!
I’m a french girl so sorry about my english, it’s actually just third language.

I came upon this forum because i’m actually questioning things. I come from a very religious christian family and am somehow very socially awkward and skittish around people I don’t know in ‘’real’’ life. I don’t think i’m straight, maybe bi, lesbian, or pansexual… I don’t know, I’m very confused.

I obviously can’t talk about this about my family seeing as they see homosexuality as a sin ans the members that are excluded from the community end up alone because we are kind of closed off and remaining members (even family) are forbidden to even talk to them in fear of being ‘’infected’’ by the sinful actions. So, yeah…
I’m doing everything in secret, and am prone to bouts of depression.

I thing guys look hot together, maybe hotter than most straight couples I know, and I do have some fantasies of having a boyfriend (but it’s never physical, it’s more about having someone who will love and care for me in more than a friendly way but it’s never physical)
I’m also fairly sure i am attracted to girl (Scarlet Johannson for example, but who isn’t :) but girls at school are too… superficial or only my friend).

I thing my first ‘’real’’ crush was on my first best friend. She was my sun and stars, ans more than 3 years older than me. I tough she was the most beautiful girl in the world (even if, looking back, she really wasn’t). She was everything I, the nerdy girl who did literally nothing more than reading and working, wasn’t: she was popular, loved, attracted guys, a social butterfly… And I think at the beginning she really cared about me.
But after maybe one year she entered adolescence, and everything went downhill: she isolated me from everyone else but completely when someone else turned up, she used a lot of emotional blackmail to bullshit me,…
But I couldn’t let her go or see her faults, because she called me her best friend, and i felt good being needed. After all, she had been the only one to approach me, had left her last best friend for me even if everyone had given her a lot of shit about that… She was my addiction.
I clearly was attracted to her, even if, too young, i didn’t know what to do about it and ignored it.
I finally left her 5 years later after one year of really bad depression that caused me to go to the psychologist at lest once a week for the whole year. I had met a really sweet tomboy at school one year before who called me her best friend even if i didn’t and felt really bad about it. She is now the most important person in the universe to me (but i am not in love with her), knows about my struggles and supports me completely about everything.

I am an emotional sponge, which makes me really easy to talk to. People sometimes come talk about their problems to me and me to care and invest myself too quickly. It’s one of my problems, seeing as they usually do not return the favor to the oddball.

On a lighter tones, my hobbies: I am a complete slash fan, that’s actually how i came to research about the lgbt community and overcome the ideas my parents had ingrained in my mind. (Because of it, I’d like say that I’m sorry if I unintentionally offend someone because of my lack of knowledge, all of it coming from the internet.)
I also like to draw and write (sometimes poetry).
I know french, german and english, so if you wish to converse with me in another language it’s totally ok for me :)


So yeah. I’m happy to be here and wish to get to know at least some of you well :) and please don’t run off because of what’s written above. I just tough it would be easier to just present my story once and for all because retelling it is not very pleasant.


Bye!

(I hope I didn’t do anything wrong? If I did could someone tell me? Thanks!)

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 Posted: 2014-12-30 07:12 am
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Admin



Joined: 2009-03-18
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thanks for posting and no, you didn't do anything wrong! I am struck at how you are so smart that you know 3 languages, and write quite well for English being a 3rd language - yet you refer to yourself as an oddball. There is nothing odd about you. You are questioning your sexuality - which is a normal thing to do. You, unfortunately, having to do that in an extremely conservative atmosphere which makes scarey when it should be fun! Is there any chance that you can find an lgbt support group someone near you?

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 Posted: 2015-01-03 12:50 am
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Dune

 

Joined: 2014-12-29
Location: Somewhere :), France
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Sorry for not responding sooner but i was with a friend and we had to work on a school project (and i couldn't get away) and no, I live in a little town, am underage without any driving license and I don't know any lesbians (the only gay guy I know is a year older than me, we have a common friend and therefore talked some times but never alone and I don't know him enough to feel comfortable talking with him about what I feel / my questions -__-''

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 Posted: 2015-01-06 11:16 pm
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ahrya



Joined: 2015-01-06
Location: Romania
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I read the story with your first crush , it was the same with me but i was much younger , now well i've been like this my entire life and i struglle with it and people opinions , even tought my parents know now all about me , well they know about me since 8 years ago , i'm turning 25 this year so i can say i've been like that for forever and don't you think that my parents accepted, they throw me out when they found out ,but in time they got over it , i even bought some of my girlfriends to come over for dinner ... my only advice is that you should find out what is your direction , what can you love cuz at the end of the day it's all about love and it cannot be the person but the feeling ... i hope you understand at least 10 % i have a bad habbit of mixting things in my head ...

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 Posted: 2015-02-07 04:40 am
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heatherf



Joined: 2015-02-02
Location: Pennsylvania USA
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Hi Dune very nice to meet you ever want to chat just pm me anytime! Heatherf



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