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I am questioning my sexuality
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 Posted: 2014-08-05 09:14 pm
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Jepherry

 

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Hello everyone, I am brand new to this forum so let me give you the full story.
I am male and 22 years old
When I was 13 I first discovered my sexuality, and I knew right from the off that it wasn't typical what I liked, back then my first sexual thing I found was something called female domination, now this was on the internet, I had no girlfriend and I explored that further. About a year after I discovered that, I started noticing the men in these internet videos as well as the women, and i started to feel attracted to both. Then I met my girlfriend (she is still my current one) but I never told her about any of this.

Years go by, she and I have been through a lot in our relationship but we are still together, and my interest stays with female domination and things to that effect. (especially when the women would wear a strapon). But when I turned about 19-22 I was interested in cross dressing, at first it was just a branch of this female domination thing, the women would "force" me to dress up and "please" a guy. and this was enough for a while until very recently. When about a couple months ago I stopped being into the cross dressing as much (though I do still enjoy it) and now I am fantasizing about guys more and more. I am confused as to weather or not I am bi, or gay, and when I told my current girl friend this (same one I have had since I was 13) she said well. If you turn out bi, then we can have an open relationship and you can see men on the side if that is what you want. If you are gay, then we will still be friends, but I need to know as soon as humanly possible.

So when I first told her there were some arguments and eventually she said that. (what I said above) and now I am on a journey to discover myself, am I bi? or gay? I need to know that for sure, I am finding myself currently less attracted to women then I am too men, however, I have never tried anything with a man before so I don't know if this is all in my head or all true. I have used toys but they are not a good indicator of things. It felt good to use the toys for sure, and I do tend to go through fazes (as you can read) however, all of my fazes had something to do with male sex organs. Never just a women, I also find trans gender people very attractive.

My girlfriend though understanding does not like these same things in the bedroom, she likes just I guess you could call it regular sex, and recently that was enough, to have sex with her and have my own fantasies, however as of late we haven't been having much and my fantasies are turning more towards men then they have in the past.

Any advice at all would be fantastic! She is staying at a friends hous until all this is sorted, and well I miss having her around, because despite all this I do love her. I always have and I always will, in form or another.

Thanks!

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 Posted: 2015-02-10 01:31 am
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This is never an easy process. With that said, you will never really know which you favor until you explore your fantasies. You can continue to live as a "straight" man with fantasies of gay sex, you can choose to go the bi route, or you can go all out. Whichever you choose though, I highly recommend a "sampling" of sorts. You might find out it is just a phase or a fantasy.



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 Posted: 2015-02-10 01:57 am
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Gray

 

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Hello, well from what i hear you say you love her. personally everyone has there kinks and fantasies... ahh, the guy up there seems to know it better^

Last edited on 2015-02-10 01:58 am by Gray

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 Posted: 2015-02-10 04:14 am
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blackbox12

 

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Hi,

I say that you should explore your fantasies for real.

In my case, having a lot fantasies with a person of my same sex (woman), was an indicator that I wanted that. And when I did it, I loved it, because it was "a dream come true." Though, the experience by itself did not determine my sexual orientation, because it is a process that involves time, personal thoughts and life goals, several experiences, etc.

It sounds cool that you can speak with your girlfriend about this. If she lets you experiment, then you could try it for real, without breakng up with her (because she is open to this).

But If I were you, I would break up with her 100% Because you have been together for so long. And you are having sexual fantasies that she can not fulfill. If she is an obstacle in sex matters, that is a real problem. No matter how much you love each other.

It seems that you do want to have other experiences, so you should try to make them happen.

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 Posted: 2015-02-10 05:15 pm
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Aine

 

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How do you feel romantically towards men and women? If you're sexually attracted to both men and women, but not emotionally attracted to both, you could be homoromantic bisexual or heteroromantic bisexual. You mentioned you're interested in transgender individuals too, though, so possibly pansexual or polysexual? Labels aren't really that important, but sometimes it's comforting to have a word that generally describes your feelings and attractions. Sounds like you're just figuring yourself out, which can take some time. Don't try to pin anything specific down on how you identify right now. Just explore yourself as a person and get to know who you are. You said you've been dating the same girl since you were 13. That's a long time. Sounds like you may not have had many opportunities to date other guys, girls, gender fluid individuals, etc. and find out what you like and don't like in different relationships. Your girlfriend sounds like a pretty nice, good person, but it may be awhile until you know how you feel about your sexuality. Her wanting to know ASAP whether you're gay or not may not be possible, as discovering one's sexuality can take years sometimes. What you decided to do with your current relationship is up to the two of you, but exploring sexuality can often put a strain on romantic relationships and sometimes friendships (it was hard for one of my friends to deal with my attraction to women). If they're mature, open-minded, and compassionate, a lot of friends can help you right through it and provide support. Try to find a support group to have your back and be there for you during this time (and really throughout life! We all need support! ) It can be really comforting to know someone is there for you to talk to or just be with.

Best of luck and welcome to the community :)

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 Posted: 2015-02-13 06:35 pm
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loginnow

 

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We all do understand what are you going through. It's really difficult path that you have go through fearlessly.
I think that your girlfriend is an amazing person, that has unique ability of understanding.
My suggestion is simple: try it out. Go to apps like grindr or adam4adam. Try to meet guys. That's the only way you can understand if you are interested in them or it's just a phase of your fantasies.
I doubt that you are gay. If you have been in a relationship with a woman for almost 10 years and have enjoyed it than you are bi.
You can also ask your girlfriend to be kinky with you. Maybe if you see her dominating over you that will cast some more light into your interests.
Whatever you do with guys in grindr or anywhere else, please, make sure that you have condoms. You don't want any STDs. Practice safe sex. You never know what they have been up to before that.
I would not recommend to start a relationship with a guy because it will complicate things up. First try sex. If you will enjoy the sex, then you have to try the relationship. Otherwise it's a mute point.
Good luck to you. I wish you all the best. Hope you will figure out who you are and will enjoy yourself.

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