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She's Breaking My Heart (I Think)
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 Posted: 2014-07-05 02:51 pm
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katzintheclouds



Joined: 2014-07-05
Location: Eastern Shore, Maryland USA
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First post, I've been searching for a place that may understand this because I think at this point I don't really understand it.

For almost nine years, I've had a woman in my life who's best my best friend, with a complicated, unexplainable relationship. Our history includes everything from supporting each other to fooling around. The entire time we've also been in relationships, usually serious, long term ones with a man. We've always just held our relationsip together as just something we can't explain but been on the same page with it for the entire time.

In the past few years, I've been more in tune with what it may mean. While I never truly thought I felt like we should actually be together, I struggled with wondering if that was because we just didn't feel that way or that we were afraid. Part of me also wondered if it was that she just felt the desire to be with a woman, but never thought that it was appropriate or desireable to take the next step and actually BE with her.

I'm struggling with this. Especially after she got married a year ago. I went through a huge inner emotional battle. To make it worse, she didn't want our relationship to change. When we got together, she was all over me, and that hasn't changed. I've grown more apt to push her away nicely but I think she doesn't want anything to change.

I have no idea how to handle it, but I do recognize that it's hurting me when I experience being left & pushed aside when her husband steps in. Bottom line is that she loves him more and see's herself with him, but wants to keep what we have too.

Any advice would be appreciated..



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" Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afriad" - Lady Bird Johnson
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 Posted: 2014-07-19 05:20 am
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marshmallow

 

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Thank you for posting.  My immediate thought was that your girlfriend has it made.  She is married and living the acceptable lifestyle while also keeping you on the side so that she can satisfy her bisexual tendencies.  Her setup is perfect - for her.  Is it perfect for you?  It seems like you would prefer to have your main relationship with her rather than be her mistress. 

If you were also married - or had a significant other - and then kept her as a mistress - I would seem that the relationship is working.  But, if want you really want is a committed full-time relationship with her (or another woman) then I would say it is time to move on.  She is going to end up having kids and getting more and more in her marriage and you will get less and less.

Move on.  Find someone who will give you everything you deserve.  Keep her as a close friend.  It seems like you care for each other very much. 

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 Posted: 2014-07-20 04:11 pm
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katzintheclouds



Joined: 2014-07-05
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Thank you for your reply, I've been hoping to get some help. The more and more I talk about it with my closest friends (who understand me) they almost immediately say "Are you kidding? She's horrible to you!". To me she's this perfect person, or rather she used to be...more and more I'm realizing that she's just not fair. You're right too, I never thought about it that way, how she has the best of both. When she wants attention from me, she gets it. When her hubby's around, she goes off with him.

Something a good friend of mine who's listened to be talk about this said "Would you be handling this different if she were a man? Would you even think twice?". That's such a solid point because my first instinct is to say "Hell no, I wouldn't stand for a cheater"....

I think at this point I really need to escape from it, which just breaks and breaks my heart....



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" Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afriad" - Lady Bird Johnson
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 Posted: 2014-07-24 03:53 am
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Admin



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I think you are making a good point and a great decision.  It is a hard decision to follow through on but in the end you will be happy that you did it  - and more open and available for a real loving relationship in your life!  Keep in touch and let us know how it goes!

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 Posted: 2014-07-24 11:43 pm
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katzintheclouds



Joined: 2014-07-05
Location: Eastern Shore, Maryland USA
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Thank you for the reply, it's still a tough place to be, she's tried to contact me a few times and i've just sort of....ignored it I guess. I don't know when the next time is that I'll be able to see her in person which is how I want to talk about it, I guess that's a big reason why I've been so MIA with her. Ugh!



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" Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afriad" - Lady Bird Johnson
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