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|If she won't go to a counsellor, go without her. Seriously.
Certainly, bow out gracefully and try to remain friends, but don't cling desperately to something that's not working. Again, think about the example you're setting for your kids; they're watching and taking it all in, even when it doesn't seem like it. It's not like you don't have the perfect out anyway; you know exactly what the issue is, and it's not that you or she is a horrible person. Just come out, say that repressing this part of yourself has contributed to the problems you've been having, and suggest that some time apart (from her, not from the kids - be clear about that with her and with them) might be the best thing for everyone.