|View single post by archubbycub|
|Posted: 2012-06-16 04:22 am||
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
| Let me start by saying I am 35 years old and for a long time (since I was a late teen/young adult) I have had sort of an attraction to men, in particular larger men. Sort of a (secret) chubby chaser.
The reason I say secret, and the cause of a lot of turmoil in my life at this point, is because for almost 13 years now I have been married to a woman. And to complicate matters even more, we have two children.
I have never acted upon this attraction, other than secretly fantasizing about other men and watching gay porn in absolute private. But it has been something that has "haunted me" (for lack of a better word) for a long time now.
When we married, I thought I was in love, and for a while things were good. But after the birth of our second child things started turning worse.
We started fighting almost constantly, and I will admit that I was not always the innocent one in it. It has come very close to one of us walking out on several occasions.
I thought I was attracted to my wife, but as I look back on it now, I feel like sex between us has been a "have to" thing for a long time now.
I love my children. What kind of parent wouldn't? And I don't want to hurt them, but I can't help these thoughts and feelings I have inside. I'm coming to my wits end with this. How do I reconcile 13 years and two children with these thoughts and feelings without causing pain for everyone involved?
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me
"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day