View single post by Geeraff
 Posted: 2011-10-25 02:39 pm
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Geeraff

 

Joined: 2011-10-25
Location: Dallas
Posts: 2
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So I just came out to my husband....yeah I'm one of those people who thought they could make themselves strait with marriage and time. It didn't work and I was misserable. Oh top of that he's emotionally and verbally abusive so I didn't pick the cream of the crop. I didn't want to come out the way I did...I wanted to divorce first but he was pressuring me about what I was doing to save the marriage and it came out. "I don't know. I don't know what TO do. I'm gay okay?" They say coming out is liberating. My butt I want to take it back and crawl back in the closet. Ever since I came out its typical him times a million. The only reason I'm not dead is because I don't want my son to find my body. BTW I would never do it public and I'm avioding home right now so its mostly thought with no action.

Anywho. He told my mom and my mom is one of those Christians who think being gay isn't a sin but living gay is...so living a lie isn't? She also thinks gay is a mental illness much like child molestation...see why I never wanted to come out? So she seems to think I'm delusional. I'm not really gay in fact there was a time I was strait. Yeah I can act therefore the truth is a lie. Then my mom had to tell her mom and grandma thinks i have the devil in me. :whatever: Grandma seems to think with enough prayer I will be "fixed" so she told EVERYONE and the whole family knows and I'm not allowed to talk to my little cousins lest I fill them with my filth.

I am entirely alone in this. I only know a handful of gay people and only one well and he's only come out to me and handful of friends. I have no one. I have lost my entire family. All I have is my son and my mom keeps telling my husband that Texas courts would consider my being gay abandonment (the only way mom doesn't get the kids in Texas). If I lose him I WILL self terminate. I want this to be over. I want gay friends...a girlfriend (or maybe a really good lesbian friend who understands the value of it staying platonic)...a family. I need to get out of Texas but I have to get my associates here before I can finish my undergrad elsewhere.

I guess what I need most is to know I'm not alone. That other people have parents who think gay=crazy. That other people tried the whole marriage thing...I know they have but I feel like the worst person in the world.



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