View single post by Columba
 Posted: 2011-07-31 05:13 am
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Columba

 

Joined: 2011-07-30
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I am trying to actively join a local LGBT social group and before attending any events they let me technically join online, then promptly told me they prefer face photos' to create a sense of family' I got two messages from three of the group's organizers.

I told them that I have been taught that it is safer to avoid face photos on the 'net to avoid cyber stalking...plus, I don;t know anyone yet, I don't necessarily want them knowing my personal info' before I know a little more about them, that's the beauty of the 'net, you can gauge people before jumping/bing thrown into anything.

I recently sent  a message to the administrators about an upcoming meetup and the one who 'accepted' me into the group replied that she

" had hoped I would feel comfortable, after getting a feel for the group with uploading a photo but now it's been a month and I (she) don't think it's fair to the other members. I (she) have let others decline from showing photos for professional/ personal privacy. This does not seem to be the case with you, howver; we have all been burned in the past but we are all putting ourselves out there. If sharing a photo of yourself is still  not something you feel comfortable with then you may want to consider leaving the group.If you want to discuss this further, let me know."

 

If this was a prerequisite it should have been clearer and they should not have allowed m,e to join without one. I have seen other members' pages and there is a lot of dogged flirting from the members, including older members on the younger members' pages, especially when they are new to the group.

 

I don't have to post photos on any of my other forums/groups/boards/chatrooms, LGBT or otherwise, local community or otherwise.

This insistence and undertone of passive agressive accusation is really creepy to me, I've never experienced it with any other LGBT activity group or member forums.The tone with which the group organizers are dealing with me reeks of the abusive, domineering relationships I've been in either superficially or intimately.

I am worried I am over reacting (just in my own head and internal emotions, I haven;t even replied to the email yet) and I want to be a member of the group but, it gives me a pit in my stomach whenever I think of this ultimatum they are giving me...it also reminds me of guys trying to insist I do stuff for them to prove to themselves that they have control over me, which is not something I need more of from my LGBT 'support' groups.

I am writing here because I thought it was interesting that my preemptive self-protection was not respected, especially since I know there have been hate crimes comitted in our local community.Why force me to share my photo??? It also reminds me of the early post/Stonewall days when people were outing others without permission and villifying those who were either wanting anonymoty or just hmmm autonomy ?!

 

 

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