View single post by nickt
 Posted: 2015-05-01 03:56 pm
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Joined: 2015-05-01
Posts: 1
My girl and I have been together for over a year now. We've built a beautiful life together, live in a home that we built ourselves last summer (a yurt) and there is something truly profound to our relationship. We make each other smile and laugh uncontrollably, care for each other, hold each other close, and have enormous dreams of the future together, of making the world a better place together. That being said, we do argue, a lot. On my end it has become a bunch of instability and insecurity being projected outward from within me, I've had several traumatic experiences that eat away at me. On her end, she is just an angry and frustrated person, also extremely insecure for some reason. We have no reason to be, people have told us that we are a gorgeous couple.. Now, we did porn together for the middle several months together, shot about 20 scenes. She did about 10 lesbian scenes before we got together and decided to do only couples shoots. Before we met, she was actively engaging women and men alike in bars, but only kissing on women. She even admitted flirting with girls before, her friends. I've also found out several times in our relationship that she was watching lesbian porn, and at one point she admitted fantasizing about women. Well when I found out these things I was pretty confused and devastated to be honest. I'm a scorpio man, so if any of you know anything about astrology, I'm sexually intense. I want loyalty and honesty in and outside of the bedroom, especially in the bedroom though (and in her thoughts and fantasies). We talked about the lesbian thing, and she says that she believes her sexual attraction to women is societally induced. Women are now more than ever feeling on each other in clubs, making out with friends and other girls, encouraged by men and propaganda to be open sexually with other women. I will also add that she is a model type girl, wear makeup and likes looking "sexy". Many girls are constantly in this mindset when they're in public, and like my girlfriend they get attracted to other girls who dress and act promiscuous, just as some gay body builders are only attracted to other gay body builders. She told me she hasn't fantasized or watched porn in months, but our sex life is suffering. Sometimes, more than should be, we'll be kissing and getting horny and she'll just stop the whole process saying she feels ugly or some other random thing. While I'm going down on her, she rarely looks at me, she keeps her eyes closed and looks like she's trying to imagine someone else, a girl I assume. But this could just be my insecurity on the matter? I know that we have a truly deep connection, she loves me there's no doubt about that. I just don't know what to do about her own sexual frustration. It would tear me up to hear her say the words, "yes I'm sexually attracted to other women and wouldn't mind having sex with one again" but if that's what she wants deep down.. I'm so confused and kind of heart broken. I want loyalty, because that's what I give to her. I would never fantasize about anyone else, no one else turns me on anymore she's the love of my life. Ultimately I just want to know the truth, and both of us be happy. If she's bi-sexual and admits it fully we can work from there, I just don't want her suppressing this until she cheats on me or worse gets depressed about it. Any advice would help, I'm really trying to figure this out for what it really is.

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