|View single post by katzintheclouds|
|Posted: 2014-07-05 03:51 pm||
|First post, I've been searching for a place that may understand this because I think at this point I don't really understand it.
For almost nine years, I've had a woman in my life who's best my best friend, with a complicated, unexplainable relationship. Our history includes everything from supporting each other to fooling around. The entire time we've also been in relationships, usually serious, long term ones with a man. We've always just held our relationsip together as just something we can't explain but been on the same page with it for the entire time.
In the past few years, I've been more in tune with what it may mean. While I never truly thought I felt like we should actually be together, I struggled with wondering if that was because we just didn't feel that way or that we were afraid. Part of me also wondered if it was that she just felt the desire to be with a woman, but never thought that it was appropriate or desireable to take the next step and actually BE with her.
I'm struggling with this. Especially after she got married a year ago. I went through a huge inner emotional battle. To make it worse, she didn't want our relationship to change. When we got together, she was all over me, and that hasn't changed. I've grown more apt to push her away nicely but I think she doesn't want anything to change.
I have no idea how to handle it, but I do recognize that it's hurting me when I experience being left & pushed aside when her husband steps in. Bottom line is that she loves him more and see's herself with him, but wants to keep what we have too.
Any advice would be appreciated..
" Become so wrapped up in something that you forget to be afriad" - Lady Bird Johnson