View single post by marshmallow
 Posted: 2014-01-08 05:19 pm
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Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
Miss Imaan - Thank you for posting.  Sounds like you are going through a really positive time in your life - as far as improving yourself, feeling comfortable with who you are and feeling proud! 

I went through a similar thing with my family when I came out over 20 years ago.  My dad wouldn't touch me for two years.  They did accept my girlfriend and was nice to her, but there was definitely "under the surface" issues of nonacceptance.  When I first came out, I told them that I would stay closeted to family for 5 years to give them time to adapt.  Unfortunately after the five years my father was still wanting to me to be in the closet (although my mother had started to tell family members).  I told him I had waited long enough and was telling people and he would have to deal with it.  I was able to do this because I did not live nearby.  I think your willingness to block family members on facebook is a good will effort on your part and I would put a time limit on it.

Through the years it has gotten much better and my parents consider my now wife to be their child.  We have to remember that our parents, friends and family members sometimes have to travel their own paths toward acceptance and we need to try and be patient.

That being said, I also agree with Kundai.  If you are feeling scared of your father, and their treatment toward you is making you feel as if you want to hurt yourself, then you do need to consider distancing yourself from them for a while.  However, you are very young and you will need a safe place to go.  You definitely do not want to just be on the street.  That is very unsafe as well.

Sounds like your family has developed their attitude toward the gay community from religion - and it can be difficult to change their minds as they are fearful that your gayness will somehow send them to hell - or as one of your family members indicated, they are fearful of what their community will think of them. 

Do you have a family member such as an aunt, or friends who have understanding parents,  who are willing to take you in for a while?

I know this seems drastic, but it doesn't have to be permanent.  You just need to be in a safe place while your family is traveling their path toward acceptance.  They still love you - they are just struggling with what their religious dogma has drilled into their brains and they will need to figure it all out.

Continue to be strong and proud of who you are.  You have done alot for  yourself.  I applaud your success in losing all that weight.  You must feel soooo good!  

If you can't quite figure out a way to get out of the house - at the very least find an lgbt support center or group.  They can be there for you.

You mentioned that you are going to school.  Is that a school in which you can stay in a dorm?  That would be absolutely perfect!  And, most schools have an lgbt support center to help you in case it gets really scarey with family - especially your dad.  I do not like hearing that you are afraid of him - and you need to take that seriously.

If you decide to take some distance from them you should write them a letter and let them know why (after you have left)  Let them know that you are feeling scared, and need to be in a safe place where you are accepted.  Let them know that you understand their struggle and you hope they will be able to question their religious beliefs enough to accept you - and be proud of you and love you.   You can leave them some materials from PFLAG (parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).

Keep posting - we're here for you!


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