View single post by marshmallow
 Posted: 2013-10-14 11:35 pm
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Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
Thank you for sharing your story - and I feel so bad for you that you are going through this. 

Homophobia causes so much pain.  You are two women who obviously love each other very deeply, but are not being allowed to love because of homophobic parents and a homophobic society.  This is a very hard situation to be in.

I agree with your thought that the reason she is being distant and moving on is because of her fear of her parents and what they will do to her.  You mentioned that she has always been scared of them and it seems now they stepped up their game and are making her even more scared.

I think it is her situation at home that has confused her, scared her and has got her running.

I'm not sure what your ages are, but I'm afraid that right now there isn't much the two of you can do.  Especially because even if you decided to run away together (or something to do that affect) you would run into homophobia every step of the way - and perhaps do not have enough life experience and earning capabilities to survive it all.  It also sounds like she wants to try out a life of being like everybody else.  It also sounds like she doesn't want to give up all her privileges that her parents offer her. 

Don't take it personal.  She obviously has very strong feelings for you but outside forces (who are in her day to day life) are placing extreme pressure on her.

To be honest, I do not think there is anything you can do right now.  She needs to take the path she is on and as she grows more independent of her parents she will hopefully decide to honor her true feelings and do what is right for her - no matter what the consequences.

The best thing you can do is honor the path she is on right now.  Set her free to figure herself out and let her know that you are here for her if she decides to come back.  Try to understand the pressure she is under right now and do not add to it.  That is love. 

In the meantime, what is most important for you is to take care of yourself.  You can and will survive this.  Keep your heart open to her but take care of yourself by moving on as well.  You don't have to fall deeply in love with someone - just live your life.  Meet people, focus on school, career, make a life.  If you are angry - funnel that into fighting for lgbt rights.  That is, after all, the actual reason why you two split up. 

I do not know what type of lgbt support systems you have, and how bad it is in your country.  If you can find other lgbt people who can become friends with I would suggest you do that. 

It may be that you need to just focus your goals on getting out of such a homophobic country at some point in the future.  This sounds drastic, but it is so much better in other countries!  It may seem like a huge thing to do, but take it one day at a time. 

Focus on school because knowledge is power.  Power is money.  Once you have knowledge, power and money you can more effectively fight for rights in your country - or move to another one.

This might not be the response you were hoping for but I don't think you will talk her out of what she is doing.  Be the person she can always feel comfortable with.  Don't add to her stress.  Hopefully her path will bring her back to you.  In the meantime focus on you. 

Stay safe.  It will get better.  Hope this helped.  Keep posting as much as you like.

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