View single post by sarahsummer
 Posted: 2013-08-06 10:02 pm
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sarahsummer

 

Joined: 2013-08-06
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I joined this forum because I don't really know to understand my feelings. I was never the girl who liked other little girls on the playground, I didn't have crushes on both genders. I never had any inclination or feelings or questions about my sexuality. I liked guys. In high school (8 years ago) I went to a movie with a friend of mine, Jenny. I never thought about her in any other way than a friend, but I didn't know her super well. And during the movie, she grabbed my hand (it was a horror movie) and it just dawned on me. Right then, right there. I liked it. I felt this rush of emotion for her. Nothing ever happened because let's face it, it was high school and I wasn't about to tell my friend that I liked the way she held my hand. So time went on, and nothing really ever happened like that again. Every now and then, I found myself thinking a certain girl was attractive to me, not just pretty, but they were fleeting feelings. Then two years ago, a good friend of mine admitted she liked me as more than a friend and I didn't share the attraction, she was my best friend, but nothing more. Then one night at a party, we were both drinking and god, this sounds so cliché but we ended up kissing. I feel like she sort of forced it and sadly, I end up flirtatious when I drink but our friendship recovered but still - I felt nothing beyond a friendship with her. Three years later, and I'm engaged to a man, Chris. I love him, but a few months ago these bicurious feelings emerged. Not really once in the three years with Chris did I feel like this and it's confusing. They aren't just small feelings, but very strong and emotionally frustrating. I feel like everytime I watch a show or do anything, there's women in a relationship on TV or right there. I'm not one of those people who thinks that's a "sign" or whatever but I'm not sure what's bringing these feelings to light now. I'm not unhappy in my relationship, I don't feel pressured. Chris even knows that I have had bicurious feelings and was supportive. I even told him about my recent feelings. I just feel like an ass, for having them, for not knowing what to do, and not having anyone to talk to. Can anyone help?

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