|View single post by blackbox12|
|Posted: 2013-04-09 05:25 am||
Well, my story goes like this:
Im 25 years old, and I had a lesbic heartbreak a year ago, which transformed me. For good and for bad. It made me stronger, and powerful in some ways. And in other ways it backed me off, and now I have this unbearable attitude where I say to myself that “I don’t know love, and I don’t believe in my ideals of love, because they have all been destroyed. But for now, I have better things to do. I’m love depressed”
Until now, I have said I’m bisexual… So I thought: “I’m going to rest from women, and go with men, ha!”
But.. Now I have problems about the ways guys act towards me, mostly because I have this (I don’t know if delusional) sense that they treat me as if I were so delicate (specially after THAT love, which made me feel and act quite masculine). I also criticize their need to dominate, because I’m also a very dominating person lately. Sometimes I feel like my essence gets stolen whenever guys take so much domain.
I do love men in a sexual way. But I also care about the psychological aspects and lately I fear that this “invisible psychological wall” will never leave unless I accept my feminine role again. And I don’t know if that can happen.
I constantly ask myself if I’m having sexual orientation crisis (am I a lesbian?), or if I’m just having a more general love crisis, and I have to let myself heal first.
I also have this problem: sometimes I feel in the position of not wanting to know anything about love (for a while). But sometimes I tell myself that I need to learn about love NOW, because it is the age when I should care about it, even though it hurts, and that I need to solve my issues instead of running away from them.
Any opinion will be very appreciated!