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 Posted: 2013-02-04 04:16 pm
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Joined: 2013-02-04
Posts: 4
So my partner and i are a gay couple & have been together for 6mos. We completely love each other. We live together.
Before we meet, he was in a 4.5yr relationship with a woman. He's 100% gay, but according to him, she pursued him & he gave in to her after a while (which i won't EVER understand...but i digress). Long story short, he decided to have a child with her & start a family. 6mos after his son was born, he caught her cheating & left her. This was 6 yrs ago. Now she lives out of state, & has their son. Their son will be here in summer to stay with us. And I'm terrified.
Whenever he or someone else mentions the boy, all i can picture is the man i love conceiving this child with this woman...making love to her...wanting to be with her forever...and it drives me mad. I'm so scared that he'll decide one day to get back with her for the sake of his son. That the kid & i won't get along & he'll dump me because of it... That she'll come back in the picture...
As a gay man, I've never had to deal with my partner's ex CONTINUOUSLY being in his life, & now here i am knowing that he talks to her daily when he calls to talk to his son. It really upsets me ... But i can't ask him to not talk to her since she's the mother... I don't know what to do. I've had nightmares of him telling me he's going to get back with her. I've expressed these fears to him, & as much as he tries to reassure me that he's with me to stay, they still constantly run through my mind.
I'm so afraid that when the boy gets here, I'll be thrown in the back seat & forced to just go with whatever he wants. The kids doesn't even know i exist, & that hurts.
Is he ashamed to tell him about me? Am i wrong for getting afraid? it consumes me to where if my partner even mentions him i feel like crying.
On another note... I've always wanted kids... But with my partner (Adopt, surrogate, etc). I've always wanted that first child experience to be something WE shared & went through together. now i can never have it. The beauty of the first child is gone for him. If we had one together, he'd know exactly what to expect & I'd be the fool tyring to keep up. how does a gay man get over his partner having a child?

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