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|im in love with a woman. theres nodoubt about that. im a man and shes a woman. seemingly normal. just the fact that i would rather be a femail and shes gay. thats sort of normal right? i spend as much time as i can with her. even if it doesnt seem like it i like to watch her when she doesnt realize. im not stalking her. but she was sleeping next to me today and i let my laptop fall idle will i just watched her. my peaceful angel. i know she has another love and dare not even temp my self to try and talk them apart. its not my place and i couldnt bare myself if i did that to her. either of them. i can only sit idle by and wait for this to run its corse. ima sucker for romance films. quite often illremenice on the perfect encounter ive seen somany times. 2 strangers fall for one another but have love intrests to return to.but they know what they have is something. but they cant fall for it. so what do they do? they spend some amazeing time together and never see eachother again. they dont use real names and they dont share too much persanal information so they cant track each other down. but they willalways know that for one night they shared an amazeingbond that neither could explain but they booth knew oh too well that what they felt was something that comesonce ina lifetime. id love to have that. but i know her name i know where to find her. she knows where to find me.and she doesnt feelthe same about me. in a way im glad it turns out this way. because we can never try and have it fail. andevery time i see her ill feel amazeing.but im worried that my feelings may be toomuchfor her and will drive her away from me. and that would taint all the memories i have. i wish so badly that i could be who iwant to be.then maybe id have a chance. maybe id be the kind of girl shed realy love. shed fall madly for roslin madilynn rose. and we could travel the world together. but then what of the life i have now. what would be left of it. would i still have been with all theothers ive loved? would i still have gone the places i have? would i stillhate my mother and have a deep resentment for my father? would i be closer to my sisters? maybei would have never been abused or bullied. but would i have still made all my friends and would i have had the same taste in cloths? and if allthat was changed would i still have joined the navy? and would i have chosen to stay onbasefor christmass and would i have even met her? and if i did wouldistillbe interested? or would i be the girl who every guy wants? but allthis means nothing at this point whocare what could have been because what could have been willnever happin in this reality. but from where istand im in love.iminlove with (for all intensive reasoning) a wall.i know itll be there for me when i need it andiknow i can trust it to keep my secrets. but itllnever feelfor me the way i may feel for it. and when i think about all the other things ive felt for others there was always the thaught of sex in the background. but with her...i couldnt dare think of it. shes too purfect and to do that with her would be totake the halo from an angel.it would be a sin to think im even worthy.but what ido think ofis holding her as she sleeps and kissing her forhead when she smiles. she makes me so happy i just wanted to cry when she huged me erlier. maybe i dont know what im talking about and maybe im just lostin my head. but for once. even thoughi have this body around her i feelican let roslin out. and she loves to be free. i never want to cage her again.
i must ask you to for give the bad spelling english is my second language and when i wrote this i had no intentions of posting it