|View single post by marshmallow|
|Posted: 2012-08-25 04:40 am||
|Welcome and I'm so happy that you posted. You really write well. I found it very interesting reading your post - not just for the content but how you presented it....
All the feelings you are feeling are very normal. I remember when I first started thinking I was gay, I would have dreams about being with women. And for some weird reason, I would have them more often when I was staying with my sister (who was in college) - and later come to find out she was gay too.
It seems to me that you are lesbian and not bi. I can relate to everything you said. It is scarey at first to come to grips with but please know that it will get better and you will have a happy and loving life.
Once you begin to accept who you are, you will learn to be proud of who you are and when the time is right - you can come out. When you do come out you have to remember that they will need to go through the same process of acceptance as you yourself had to when you first realized you were gay.
That being said, lets not get ahead of ourselves. Don't be in a rush to come out.
My suggestion would be to find yourself an LGBT community center or group (if you don't want anyone at all to find out maybe go to one outside of your community). This group will do wonders for you. It will help you connect with others who are experiencing exactly what you are. You can learn from them, make friends, discover resources - and realize that there is a "gay family" out there for you. You will not be alone.
My sister and I came out to my parents together and it was sorta rough going for a while. They never disowned us - but my dad refused to touch us for a couple years. Time has passed, they went through their process of acceptance, and now they consider my wife to be their child as well. Sometimes I think they like her more than me!
Take a deep breath. You will survive - and you will have some really amazingly wonderful experiences with women and I'm sure fall deeply in luv more than once! You WILL become strong and learn that you are who you are - you were born this way - and you have no control over what others say or how they respond to you. The important thing is that you are true to yourself. And remember - if there is a point when you do come out to your parents (which, please, do not feel a need to rush into that), even though they may have a negative response at first, they will still love you and will eventually take you in their arms again. If they do not - you WILL survive that as well. There is an organization for them as well called PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) which help them to understand.
There is a wonderfully loving and fun lgbt family out there who will be your support. So, step one, if you can - get to an lgbt community center. It will help so much. You may need to go to the nearest big city.
And keep posting! I'm excited for you cause you have a great life ahead of you! Go girl!