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I'm not sure I can get through this
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 Posted: 2012-02-01 05:04 am
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marshmallow

 

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I think you have to be strong and stay with what works for you. You have to be yourself.  Until you are true to yourself you will never find true happiness and freedom.  Just break them in slowly.  Change one thing at a time and they will slowly get use to your new look.  If they are harsh and say something nasty or critical, have a comeback ready for them that will shut them up and move the conversation along to something else.  Try to make light of it.  You can not seek their approval before hand - just go for it a little bit at a time.  Be brave.  If you aren't yourself you will never meet others who are like you.  Remember - they are the ones with the character flaws if they condemn you.

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 Posted: 2012-02-03 08:56 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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I will try it but I can't promise anything I have big problems with my self - esteem, problems at home and I don't know what will I do next. I won't have Internet so I won't post here.

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 Posted: 2012-02-08 07:47 am
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macedonianlezbian

 

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I came out to my mom - and she tought it's just a phase, I will talk to her later (because she works right now) to explain her everything.

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 Posted: 2012-02-17 05:28 am
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marshmallow

 

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Congratulations!  That is such a positive move!  :)

Her initial response of thinking you are going through a phase is a typical one.  Remember you must be patient with her and let her travel her path of acceptance.  In the meantime remember to stay strong with who you are and proud of what you are!

Can't wait to hear more....  well done!

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 Posted: 2012-03-08 10:45 am
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macedonianlezbian

 

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Well I will see a psyhologist (not to convert me, but I have some struggles such as panic disorder and I need to fix that) and I will post here what will happen next.

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 Posted: 2012-03-08 07:19 pm
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marshmallow

 

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Sounds like you are on the right path and I'm sure once your panic disorder is being managed everything will be much better. 

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 Posted: 2012-05-01 05:46 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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I'm on therapy and sometimes I have attacks but slowly it gets better and I hope it will stay that way. My mum doesn't mention my homosexuality which is a good thing for me, but I guess she needs more time to accept it because it's not acceptable in macedonian society and I think that she panicks about my futuree, because the society discriminates people like me (even the law against discrimination does not include sexual orientation, only nationalities and genders).

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 Posted: 2012-05-10 02:06 am
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marshmallow

 

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I'm glad to hear your therapy is working for you.  What a relief that must be for you.  I think you should have faith in the future.  There is a wave of lgbt acceptance and it will only get better in the future.  Also, keep in mind, you don't have to stay where you are geographically.  Once you are old enough and feeling strong enough, you can always move to a place that is more liberal. 

Still trying to dress a little more to your own satisfaction?

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 Posted: 2012-05-10 02:06 am
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marshmallow

 

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I'm glad to hear your therapy is working for you.  What a relief that must be for you.  I think you should have faith in the future.  There is a wave of lgbt acceptance and it will only get better in the future.  Also, keep in mind, you don't have to stay where you are geographically.  Once you are old enough and feeling strong enough, you can always move to a place that is more liberal. 

Still trying to dress a little more to your own satisfaction?

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 Posted: 2012-06-03 01:09 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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Yes, I even have new haircut and I told my mom I want to buy t-shirts from sport shops because I like them the most, other shirts are too girly for me and she agreed. I didn't think I could say it one day but it keeps getting better for me.

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 Posted: 2012-06-04 05:05 am
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marshmallow

 

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I'm so glad that your feeling better and better and your mom is so supportive! :)

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 Posted: 2012-07-05 01:47 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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Well, I have another issue now. I read on the Internet about LGBTIQ community alot, and some people claim that their sexual orientation have changed, they thout they were lesbians/gay and then they fell in love with guys/girls. What if something similar happens to me? How will LGBT people in Macedonia accept me? I know some organisations for LGBT people in the main city but I am afraid to ask for help there, what if they judge me for my fears? What if they don't accept me and how wil I explain that "transition" to my mom? I am so confused right now, I don't even want any changes in my sexual orientation.

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 Posted: 2012-07-05 02:23 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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I have something else to add, the psyhologyst keeps asking me when did I decide to be gay and that she can cure me, it sucks.

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 Posted: 2012-07-05 07:04 pm
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marshmallow

 

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hmmmm, be very careful about what you read on the internet.  (present company excluded :)).  There are organizations out there who are against the lgbt community due to their religious beliefs and they put out all kinds of information to falsly indicate that being gay is a choice and can be changed.  This is propoganda.  You are born with DNA that places you in a spot on the sliding scale of straight to gay.  Some people are straight, some directly in the middle as bisexual and others fall on the gay end of the scale.

This can't be "changed".  You can be brainwashed perhaps but not authentically "changed."

Anybody who "changes" from being gay to straight was probably just bisexual and will "change" back to gay at some point. 

In any event, do not worry about the lgbt community not accepting you.  What you are going through is a typical experience for alot of gays, lesbians and bisexuals and you will all be discussing the same issues.

Don't worry about placing a label on yourself so much. Just relax with it and see what happens.  Get yourself to those lgbt community support groups - you'll be able to talk with others who have similar feelings, you'll be able to make friends, you'll find additional resources, etc.  If you have a way to get there, you can go to one that is not directly in your community so you do not have to worry about local reaction.

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 12:50 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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But things like that says even my psychologyst, she says that something made me gay and talking to her will make me straight...

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 07:02 pm
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marshmallow

 

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That is very much an untrue statement that your psychologist made and shows that she/he is the absolute wrong person for you to be talking to.  That notion is an outdated concept and has been proven to be obsolete and untrue.  Many years ago, the psychiatric community considered being gay a disease which could be cured.  However, they have come out strongly against that notion now. 

Being gay is in our DNA.  We are born with our sexual identity already built into our DNA structure.  It can not be changed through will power.  You need to get to a different psychologist - one that is gay friendly.  I realize you have challenges in that you may not have any control over who you go to right now.  If that is the case, the best you can do is ignore what your psychologist is saying about being gay.  Because he or she is absolutely 100% wrong.

Choice comes in only when you are deciding whether to be true to your nature or not.  It is never a good idea to go against what is natural for you - that is if you want to be happy.

Here is a great article from the HRC:  http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy 

I found an article discussing gay issues in your country and this psychologist's name came up as somone who is gay friendly and does not believe is trying to change gays (reparative therapy): 

The psychiatrist Dr. Alexandar Marcikic, who has a private practice in Skopje, says that some psychiatrists now tend to stop defining homosexuality as an illness or a psychological disorder. It is increasingly being considered as a “normal choice” in a person’s emotional and sexual connection with the object of love, he explains.

The article is at:  http://www.globalgayz.com/europe/macedonia/gay-macedonia/  (I may have directed you to this site before).    do I have the correct location for you?

 

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 10:23 pm
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macedonianlezbian

 

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Thanks for these informations, they are really usefull. I have gay friendly teacher but I'm afraid to ask her anything about homosexuality, what if she tells my dad or anyone in my town? She doesn't seem person like that, but I'm afraid, anxiety, that is crappy.

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 Posted: 2012-07-07 12:58 am
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marshmallow

 

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how do you know she is gay friendly?  Is she gay herself?

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 Posted: 2012-07-07 01:14 am
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macedonianlezbian

 

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No, she isn't gay (not in public, I don't know for sure if she is gay). But she has gay friend in USA, and she doesn't hate LGBT. Read this topic http://lgbtcommunityforum.com/view_topic.php?id=396&forum_id=91 to find out more about her.

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 Posted: 2012-07-11 01:17 am
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marshmallow

 

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Oh, yes, she is your hero.  :)

I'm thinking that if you ended up in a conversation with her in which you discussed gay people, and she had encouraging words for you, then she aready has a sense that you are gay. 

I do not know her, but I'm thinking you are safe with her.  And she may be able to offer you some resources to help you on your journey.

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