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Am I Bi???
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 Posted: 2011-11-18 08:55 pm
1st Post


Joined: 2011-11-18
Posts: 1
When I was a teenager, I identified as  bisexual. I've always enjoyed checking women out. I think women are sexy and beautiful and before I came out as bisexual I had kissed a girl and I'd had several girl crushes throughout middle school. Aside from that one kiss, I never really did anything with a girl, sexually. I did have a girlfriend for a brief period of time but we never kissed. When my mom found out that I was coming out to people as bi and dating a girl, she went ballistic. She told me I didn't know what "bi" meant. She made me break up with my girlfriend. She also told me that she didn't understand why I wanted negative attention all the time. At the time I believed her and I eventually "grew out of it" and I actually really did think she was right... until now. I'm starting to think she may have simply shamed me into oppressing my true sexual orientation. I'm starting to wonder if I truly am bisexual and if I really could identify that way.

I recently moved to California so I could get away from my parents for a while and figure out who I really am and what I really want for myself. Now, five months later, I feel that I am much happier and relaxed and for the first time in a long time, I'm REALLY horny...all the time...I feel like a teenager again...and I've been noticing that my fantasies are about girls, NOT guys. I keep thinking about making out with girls and about doing a lot more than that...and it really turns me on. I keep thinking about all the girl crushes I've had, even AFTER I stopped identifying as "bi" and I've been wondering what would have happened had I actually pursued something with these people. Even though I feel strongly feminine, I've always felt a little bit off-beat compared with other girls. It's not that I don't identify with girls or anything like that, but my overall energy as a person tends to let off a slightly more outgoing aggressive, masculine vibe than that of most women. I recently was talking with a friend about all this, who identifies as a lesbian, and she admitted to me that she was surprised when we first met that I identified as 100% straight just because  I trigger her "gaydar"... With every single boyfriend I've ever had, I've always liked checking out girls with them. It's just a fun thing to do. It also means that I very rarely, if ever, get jealous. My first reaction when the guys I date checks out another girl is never, "stop looking at her!" It's more like, "Oh, yea...I know exactly why you're looking at her...she's HOT!" I would never even think twice about it.

It's wierd that this is all coming up now. I'm finally in a financially stable situation, with a long term job, and future career path in mind. I'm in a relationship with a guy that I feel I could potentially spend the rest of my life with and how do I bring this up with him? If I even decide to at all? Is it OK if I don't want to? I think maybe it's comnig up now because every other aspect of my life is finally stable. Am I really bisexual? I'm not sure how to figure it out once and for all and end the debate in my head when I'm dating some one exclusively and I really don't want to jeopardize our relationship. He's already told me he would consider me fooling around with other girls to be cheating...not sure what to do.:?

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 Posted: 2011-11-19 06:09 am
2nd Post


Joined: 2011-05-25
Posts: 217
Hello and welcome to the forum.  In the end it is solely up to you to decide your sexual orientation - and if you pay attention to your heart and soul and what it is telling you, that should be easy.  That being said - my opinion from what I've read is that you are definitely bisexual and you absolutely need to tell your boyfriend.  You seem to care about him and I imagine he cares a great deal for you too.  You owe it to him and your relationship together to be honest. And he is right, being with a woman would be cheating on him - unless you have an open relationship.

You also owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself.  If you do not grab a hold of these feelings now they will keep coming up.  You don't want that to happen when you are married, right? 

In life it is important to be honest and say what you have to say to those close to you - no matter what their response is.  You are not responsible, and can not control their responses.  You are only responsible for your truths.

Go for it.  It is the right choice!

And I've very glad that you figured out your mom's response was her prejudice and that nothing is wrong with you - whether straight, bi or lesbian.  Life life as honestly and fully as you can!  Peace and Happiness!  ;)

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