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Who Am I?
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 Posted: 2011-05-04 05:24 am
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chubbs145

 

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 I dont know what else to do. My situation is unique and I am desperate for any kind of guidance. Quite frankly, I don't know who I am, or who I have become. I am a 22-year-old male and I am in the last year of my undergraduate college career. Recently, I have been living in my head and feeling uncomfortable in my own body, because I feel like my whole being has changed. I was once an extremely fun-loving and confident person, but now I am shy and timid in the presence of others. Im not sure what caused this shift, but I do know that I have been questioning my sexuality, or even my place in relationship to others. Im not sure if my questioning has caused my insecurity or if my insecurity has caused my questioning, all I know is that my relationship with others, especially my close friends has changed. I worry about how people are viewing me. I don’t know what happened, I used to have everything going for me. I used to be easy-going, fun and extremely flirtatious with girls. In the past I have had the best relationships with girls that I loved completely and also have had great sexual relations. I have never been attracted to other guys; I just recognize attractive attributes in them, for the sole purpose of wanting to exemplify the attributes to strive to be the man that girls wanted to have.
 
Currently, I have a girlfriend, and she is everything that I would hope to have in this life. But lately, I have felt awkward even around her. I have thought many times, how much I would like to eventually settle down with her, but I am nervous that this awkward feeling/questioning will keep reoccurring until she, herself, questions our relationship. I have analyzed my questioning, and have realized that I do not want to be gay or bi. I do not want to have attractions to or relations with men. All I want is to be myself again, whatever that means. Can anyone help?

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 Posted: 2011-05-05 01:27 am
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Admin



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Hi and welcome.  I'm sorry to hear you are struggling right now.  But, at 22, it is not unusual to go through a period of time when you are re-discovering yourself.  Age 22 is when I started having feelings for other women - it slowly developed in me.  Before that I dated men - and was really close to some of them.  I even kept dating them after I was dating women.  I slowly purged men out of my dating life as I realized it was all about the women for me.

It does sorta sound like perhaps you are beginning to realize you may be attracted to men.  Feeling different and backing away from people because you feel you may be judged if they can tell you are indeed different (from some of them anyway - who knows).  I realize this may seem devastating to you - but know that our sexuality is determined by our dna and it is difficult to resist.  Like Lady Gaga's song "born this way". 

I can't really tell you who you are.  I can encourage you, though, to be easy on yourself and stay open to what you are discovering about yourself.  Don't make any rash decisions, including not getting engaged or marrying any woman, until you have yourself fully figured out.  It is not fair to those woman to put them through that.

You say that you dediced you don't want to be gay.  With the stigma that still lurks in our society I can imagine your reasonings for feeling that way.  But know that society is becomming more and more open - and that the lgbt community is a family of friends and a great support.  We have each other, and our own families - including children. 

Stay open to yourself - and ALWAYS BE PROUD OF WHO AND WHAT YOU ARE!  Keep living life the same as always, but be aware of feelings that are developing and don't run from them or feel like you are less than.  Who knows what you may discover about yourself - maybe it isn't a gay thing at all.  You won't know, though, until you have the courage to stay open to your feelings - and stay strong in your belief in who you discover yourself to be - and always be kind to yourself.  It really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks - not even a little.

I hope this helped.  I think you will really get something from viewing the posting here:  http://lgbtcommunityforum.com/view_topic.php?id=124&forum_id=68

It is the videos of celebrities and others talking about their experiences - they are positive and will help you see you are not alone.

 

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 Posted: 2011-06-13 01:35 pm
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roberthere

 

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Hi there...All relationships have ups and downs, so just take it easy. With a calm mind understand where your relation stands and try figuring things out.. Just analyse, whom do you feel more attracted to .. If you are feeling strongly towards men, then tell your girlfriend. If you don't , then just give attention to other things in life, like career and studies.. If nothing works out, seek professional help.. That can make you feel better..



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