So.. I am 19 and have been attracted to women since I was 14. At first I just felt like I really desperately wanted this girl to be my friend and like me, but soon I realized I was really attracted to her, and unsurprisingly, she turned out to be gay two years later. I am also relatively attracted to guys and have had many boyfriends. My problem is this: i really want to date a woman, im an artist and i only draw women, i think women are so beautiful and i really want to be with one but im scared because i don't know how to be with a woman. Ive been with so many guys its easy. I know exactly what to do, how to act, how to be sexual and please a guy. I have no experience sexually with women and its really intimidating. I have no idea if ill like sex with women but does that even make any sense?? If i know for sure im more attracted to women than men could i possibly not like sex with one? I dont even get it. I think its just because i dont know where to start or what to do and im scared of not being any good and its easier with a guy when i know what im doing. What should i do? I dont and have never watched porn is that maybe why im so lost on this? I just want to be able to be intimate with a woman because then i would know for sure if i have any interest in guys. Its like if i was confident and comfortable sexually with women id never have to be with a guy again but does the fact that im scared and confused about having sex with women mean that im not gay???? Were other people ever scared of going there- not because of what people will think or because its wrong, but just because they didnt know what to do and if they would like it?
What you are feeling is very normal. Trying something new (especially something that is stigmatized) is always a little scarey. First time I walked into a lesbian bar I was really nervous. Talking and dancing with women for the first time - all of it scarey. But, after the first kiss - momentum, and long awaited curiousity, took over. The first time I was "with" a woman, afterwards, I felt a little funny because it was something new - but I went right back for more and more and more .
If you are wondering what to do with another woman, just remember - you are a woman. So, think about what you like - and share that with your partner. Its like when people joke and say that its hard to turn someone straight after they've been gay because gay people have all the same equipment as their partner so they know how to use it! Practice on yourself - seriously .....
I guess the biggest difference is, of course, that you would use your fingers to penetrate your partner. (keep those fingernails short!)with one, then two .... etc. Soft, easy and slow at first. Start
Whatever you do, don't watch porn cause it is made by men and it represents their fantasies as opposed to what women really want.
So, trust what it is you like as a woman, then pay attention to how your partner is responding and make adjustments as you go along. If you are with a more experienced woman, she will guide you. That is how it was for me. If you are with a woman who is new, then she will be in the same boat as you and you will figure it out together.
As far as labeling yourself, don't be in such a rush. You don't have to decide right away if you are bisexual or lesbian or straight - just follow your natural instincts, follow your path and you will know. All paths lead to a place that is just fine, so no worries.
Thank you very much for that response. It is really helpful. I never watched porn, gay or straight and so i was wondering if that was why i was so lost, but i have no intention to start. I do really want to explore with a woman and the reason ive started posting suddenly and asking wuestions is because the possibility of that happening has sort of appeared recently. I want to pursue this woman but im scared of messing up. I dont want to let her down but i do really like her and she makes me excited and nervous. I will do my best to just follow my instincts and not think with my head so much! Im a very very left brained- analytical person. Im also just really scared of letting somebody down. She is much more experienced than i am and hopefully she will (if we start dating) be patient and enjoy my naivety. Its kinda fun to be sort of a virgin again in a way. I gave it away so easily and early on as a kid, its exciting to have that experience now when it means more.