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 Posted: 2012-06-21 08:08 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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I wish I had been brave enough to have come out before we got married. There was a friend I had before then that I had the hugest crush on. I nearly came out to him on more than one occasion. It may have ruined the friendship, but at least I would be out then and not going through this hell now!! It's getting to the point where I wish I'd kept my mouth shut and just continued suffering in silence!



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And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-21 10:40 pm
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marshmallow

 

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That is unfortunate.  I think you have to get someone to stay with her then.  And some counseling for her.  You have a tricky situation.  It probably will never be different.  If you waited a year, then it would be the same thing in a year. 

Does she have someone, parents, siblings, friends, who would watch over her?

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 Posted: 2012-06-22 06:10 am
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marshmallow

 

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Be true to yourself.  She will pull out of this - it is very new and it will take some time but when this is all said and done, you will know that you did the right thing.  And for her as well because she will find a man who really wants to be with her and all ways. 

And you can be a very good friend to her.  Hang in there - you did the right thing. 

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 Posted: 2012-06-22 05:33 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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That's just it. All of her family lives at least 3 hours away and because she is so shy, she doesn't have any friends she could turn to if
I leave. And I'm afraid if I leave she'll do something to harm herself! I feel so trapped! I guess I should have kept my mouth shut!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-22 06:51 pm
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marshmallow

 

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You should not have kept quiet.  Ya know why?  Because if you continue to suppress your sexual identity, you will be the one committing suicide.  You have to be true to who you are.  You HAVE to - no matter what.  If she has no family or friends then she needs a therapist and you can go wtih her.  Just make sure the tables are not turned on you -- do not allow those sessions to be about you trying to not be gay.

You and she are going through the tough part right now - but it is necessary.  Do not feed into the drama.  Take control, be true to who you are and be her friend - hellp her - but only to the extent that you are not going against who you are.

I think you need some support out there as well.  Find an lgbt community center and go to some of their group sessions.  You are not the only gay person who has experienced this situation. 

Perhaps find a gay therapist who will help the two of you adjust to your newly forming relationship.  You can stay in your wife's life forever - it just will be on more of a close friend level - which is not a bad thing.

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 Posted: 2012-06-22 11:18 pm
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archubbycub
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I don't think I could get to the point of hurting myself. I'm too chicken for that. But it has gotten where I just "don't care" if I live or die, even before I said anything. Hell even before I came to grips with it all myself! I have type two diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and I'm on Wellbutrin an Prozac now! But there are times I think, I'll just stop taking my meds and let my body do the rest. I'm not sleeping at night, I can't concentrate at work, I don't want to go home. The one outlet I've found in all of this is performing in the summer musical at the local community art center. For those brief few hours, I don't have to be myself! I don't have the worry and the stress. And the only bad part about it is, she keeps asking if I'm sleeping with one of the other guys in the musical or with the director!! I'm afraid if she keeps at it she's going to drive me to do it, and then it's going to be an even bigger mess!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-23 03:40 pm
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archubbycub
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This is fucking nuts!! She thinks things are getting better but honestly they aren't. First, I spoke to our pastor, mainly to get her off my back. He was very understanding, and even told me I'd done the right thing by coming forward, but I know he thinks this can be resolved and our marriage can be saved. But the only way I see that happening is for me to repress my feelings an desires again and go on lying to her while I'm thinking about another man! Second, and this was probably my biggest mistake, we fooled around last night, and the whole time she kept asking me things like, "What are you thinkin about? Are you thinking abou me?" I didn't have the heart to tell her I was thinking about a guy from work. I know I shouldn't have put myself in that situation, should have told her I wasn't ready or something, but I was so damn horny from being aroun that guy all day it was driving me nuts! But now I feel cheap and dirty for lying to her and using her like that! She's even asked me a couple of times now if I feel guilty or if it grossed me out or anything and each time I've lied and said no I'm fine just so it doesn't hurt her feelings! I feel like a prisoner in my own fucking home!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-23 05:57 pm
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archubbycub
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I'm venting again!! Sorry!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-24 10:33 pm
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archubbycub
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And now her parents are coming next weekend! Boy that ought to be a fun filled weekend!! She says they are coming for her birthday which they very well may be, but I am not looking forward to playing like nothing happened last week in front of them and certainly not wanting to say anything to them!!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-25 01:53 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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Well...after finally getting a good nights sleep..thanks to Ambien...I have made up my mind that I am definetly leaving my wife. I don't know when yet haven't even said anything to her, but I think she suspects, but as soon as I can get everything in order, I'm calling it quits to the lies. All of them!!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-06-25 02:38 pm
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marshmallow

 

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Just be sure to do it in a way that she has support around.  Maybe when her parents are there? 

In time this will get better for both of you.

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 Posted: 2012-07-01 03:14 am
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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So the in laws are here now and so far so good. Nothing has been said about my "announcement" the other day, but I can tell there is a bit of tension here. They're talking more to the kids and my wife. But that's okay, cause they aren't pumping me for answers.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-02 07:30 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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Ok just giving a quick update. The weekend with the in-laws went smoother than expected. I still think my father-in-law is hacked off, mostly due to the fact that he barely spoke while I was around, but that's ok because at least he wasn't pumping me for answers. The kids went home with the in-laws yesterday, giving me and the wife some time alone this week. I've decided I'm going to "lay low" for awhile, at least until the kids are both old enough to take care of themselves (youngest will turn 11 next month). That way she can't hold them over me when I decide that I'm leaving. And even then
I'm not going to make my leaving her a matter of my sexuality. In fact I don't even intend to bring that up unless she does. But until then I'm going to slip back into the closet, at least as far as everyone else is concerned. As for myself, I know who I am inside and I'm comfortable with that. It may soun harsh, and I know it's not going to be easy, but with the way she uses the kids and my emotions against me, I really don't see any other way. Plus it will give me plenty of time to set things into motion as far as finances and a place to live and everything else goes.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-05 03:32 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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Ok I need to rant again! If I have another day like I had yesterday afternoon, my timetable for leaving may get moved way up! I came in from work yesterday and I swear if I left her side for more than 2 minutes she went to weeping and wailing and talking about how I didn't love her and she was going to lose me! I wanted to tell her so bad that she was absolutely right and that I'm just staying for the kids! This is just another example of how manipulative and controlling she really is! If it wasn't for te kids I'd pack my things and leave today! :x



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-05 05:53 pm
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marshmallow

 

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In a way I can't blame her for crying.  She knows it is over.  You know it is over.  How is it good for your kids to watch this?  And to learn to be ok with an average marriage? 

In all honesty, if you don't leave now, I think you will end up experimenting with men while still married and you'll end up hurting them as well. 

You should make the decision you know you have to make and not use the kids as an excuse.  Stand up and take care of this situation that you created.  Be strong and make a decisive decision.

 

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 Posted: 2012-07-05 07:57 pm
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archubbycub
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I know I need to get out. And honestly, I want out! It's draining me, physically and emotionally. The problem is, I don't know how to get out. Lawyers are so expensive and besides she told me at the start of this that if I tried to leave her she wouldn't sign the papers! I don't know what to do!



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-06 02:00 am
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marshmallow

 

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I can not tell you exactly how to go about it.  If it were me, I'd get to an lgbt support center and start connecting with people.  Find a lawyer who will protect your rights and do a good job for you through a divorce.  A lawyer who is gay friendly will know how to protect you when it comes to child visitation rights, etc.

I have no idea what the implications of your wife "not signing the papers" is - but you shouldn't let that stop you. 

I really do think your first step should be to get to an lgbt support center in your area - or nearest big city and gather resources to find a lawyer.  You should be able to find one that will work with you regarding money.  You might even find some friends who are going through a similar situation.

You've taken the first step and you should probably stay honest and keep moving forward.


Maybe you can find one here:  http://www.gaylawnet.com/

Last edited on 2012-07-06 02:38 am by marshmallow

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 04:42 am
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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Thanks. I'll check that link out. Trying to find a center nearby but that isn't panning out.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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 Posted: 2012-07-06 12:12 pm
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ftmichael
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PFLAG of Northwest AR: http://www.facebook.com/pflagnwa

PFLAG Russellville: http://www.facebook.com/groups/276484182659/

PFLAG Little Rock: http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=224&chid=397&tab=6

Lambda Legal: http://www.lambdalegal.org/

Gay resources in AR: http://everyoneisgay.com/us/arkansas.html

AR Gay History: http://arkansasgayhistory.blogspot.com/?zx=210cc8820399613c

NWA Centre for Equality: http://www.nwaglbtcc.org/

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 Posted: 2012-07-06 01:57 pm
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archubbycub
Just a fun loving cuddly chub
 

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The problem is, all of those are in central to northern Arkansas and I live in southern part of the state! I think I called it "homophobe Capitol of the world" at one point! The closest one as far as I can tell is about two hours away.



____________________
And there's nothing wrong with me
This is how I'm suppose to be
In a land of make believe
That don' believe in me

"Jesus of Suburbia" --Green Day
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