Hi there, I have my "boyfriend" coming over tonight and I don't really want to see him. The only reason I agreed to it or to be his boyfriend in the first place is because well i like feeling wanted and I don't want to hurt his feelings. The thing is I'm not attracted to him at all. The thought of even progressing more in the relationship scares me. It's hard because I want to have a family and kids, but it's like I don't feel attracted to guys and well the thought of even how you make a baby scares the crap out of me, but I love kids so much. Like a lot of girls I know see pictures of guys and are like boy he's cute and I don't see guys as cute if anything I'm scared of them. I don't get arousal when I look at guys. And as far as girls go not sure if anything I'm more attracted to girls like I see some and think of she's cute, though a lot of times it oh I wish i looked like her I wish i was thin like her. Even the thought of having a relationship with a girl freaks me out too. Plus if I ever did well growing up in a religious family well that would be a nono. But I wouldn't want to be intimate with a girl anyways. I don't know just confused about how I feel. I don't know who I am and who I'm attracted too, I'm so confused.
you are going through a normal process of sexual identification. Take it slow and easy and do not worry about putting a label on yourself. When you are attracted to someone you will know it - there will be no confusion. We all come to terms with our sexuality at different speeds so do not feel pressure to keep up with friends.
Please understand that if you do decide you want to be with women - you can still have a family and kids. There are lgbt couples everywhere with solid family structures and living very happy lives.
No matter how you end up identifiying sexually, know that there is no right or wrong and that your sexual identity is merely a result of your DNA. Sure, you will feel pushback from your religious family - but in the end you are who and what your DNA dictates you are. But, do not worry about all that right now - you're getting ahead of yourself.
So, try to let go of the fear of intimacy and don't do anything with anyone unless you really want to and are excited about it. Be as honest as you can be with the boys and/or girls you are developing relationships with.
Wait until you feel excitement and then go for it! Until then, take a deep breath and be easy with the process. You will know for sure at some point - it will be clear as a bell!
I have some trauma issues with men, and I'm wondering if that's why right now I have such an aversion to men, I look at them and don't think they are cute I think they are gross and scary. I guess I just wish I knew for sure so I could deal with it. Maybe I will be attracted to someone someday, I just feel like I'm getting old and there's pressure to have a family and children. Thanks for the reply.
I think it would be a great idea for you to see a therapist and explore that idea. If you do have some post traumatic syndrome due to bad experiences with men a therapist can help you deal with it, understand it and get beyond it. At that point you will be better able to figure out your sexual identity.
In the meantime, don't think about too far in the future - just deal with what is going on with you now.