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 Posted: 2012-02-08 04:40 pm
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Elicca

 

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Ok so where to start I am a 25 year old female I am Bi but I am here for my Boyfriend. he recently told me he was diagnosed with gender identity disorder. And at first I was mad.... not because he felt more female but that at a younger age a "doctor" told him he had a "disorder" I don't believe for one milisecond that this needs to be cured or that something is wrong with him !!!! he was born in the wrong body !!!! but anyways I told him I love YOU. weather you were male, female, transgendered !!!! I don't love you because of the sex you were born. Just the way I see it like I said just recently he told me so I am just trying to become familiar with the area maybe get some advise as to where we can go from here and maybe share some stories he seems to want to no longer talk about it weather it be from fear of rejection or just that he isn't sure of the next steps. He has lived 28 years like this I don't see why he should have to live with it any longer !!!! 


Thanks,
Ellie

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 Posted: 2012-02-11 10:59 pm
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ftmichael
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FYI, you're in love with a Trans person, never 'a trans'. :) A good place to start is by using feminine pronouns to refer to her, unless she doesn't want you to yet. Be clear on what contexts you should use what pronouns in, too. She may not want you to use feminine pronouns on the street or around her family, but she might want you to use them when you're alone together or when you're talking to other partners and Trans folks.

Being diagnosed with a 'disorder' is standard procedure, unfortunately. That's starting to change, but is still often considered by practitioners to be a necessary part of transition. You and she will both want to learn more about that, and about the WPATH Standards of Care (PDF file). Be fully aware that the SoC are guidelines, not rules or laws, that are intended to help otherwise-clueless practitioners know how to help us.

http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Online_Support has an entire section for partners that you should check out, and your partner should check it out as well. She needs to talk to a LOT of Trans people. The best thing to do is get as many perspectives as you can so your decisions are as informed as possible. http://transgender.livejournal.com/ and http://forum.trueselves.com/ are particularly excellent places for her to connect with folks who've been there.

http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Support_groups can help connect her with local Trans folks, too. :) Take your time with these links; getting through them is not a race, and going through them slowly is a better idea anyway.

* http://imatyfa.org/
* http://transfamily.com/
* http://trans-health.org/
* http://transbucket.com/
* http://forum.trueselves.com/
* http://mtf.livejournal.com/tag/
* http://transkidspurplerainbow.org/
* http://transgender.livejournal.com/tag/
* http://t-vox.org/ - resource/info central
* http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=266
* http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Online_Support
* http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Support_groups
* http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Category:Resources
* http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=Therapists_by_region
* http://ftmichael.transboys.info/yayforqueers.html - come chat!
* http://t-vox.org/index.php?title=List_of_transfeminine_people
* http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html
* http://youtube.com/genderqueerchat - keep checking back because new ones are added regularly
* http://youtube.com/trannystargalactica - keep checking back because new ones are added regularly

Must-reads if you can get hold of them:
* Luna by Julie Anne Peters (YA fiction)
* Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger (YA fiction)
* She's Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan
* The Transgender Child by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
* Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, edited by S. Bear Bergman and Kate Bornstein
* Trans Forming Families, edited by Mary Boenke (third edition, 2008) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $10 US
* The Our Trans Children leaflet (sixth edition) - available from PFLAG's Transgender Network for $2 US, or you can save and print it yourself for free.  The booklet is their only source of revenue, so if you can pay for it, please do!
* TransGeneration (Ignore what Lucas says in the first episode about hormones being "very dangerous" - they're not, not if you get them through a competent doctor and have regular - which usually means annual - bloodwork, and that was irresponsible of him to say.)

(The books, aside from Trans Forming Families, can be ordered on Amazon or you can get the ISBNs from Amazon and bring them to any bookshop to order them. The DVD can be ordered on Amazon also, as you see from the link.)

Last edited on 2012-02-11 11:09 pm by

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